4 Ways To Be The Person Your Spouse Deserves (Says Science)

Love, Self

And science doesn't lie.

Everyone and their mom seem to have relationship advice they *swore* worked for them, but how many people can say their relationship advice is backed up by SCIENCE? That's right. Scientific American gathered 4 great pieces of advice on how be the person your spouse deserves — and SHOCKER: Looks like positivity has a lot to do with it!

1. For the love of God, be kind.

This might sound obvious but when you're in the trenches of life with someone every single day you might start taking your spouse for granted. According to research by psychologist John Gottman, happier couples have a ratio of five positive interactions to one negative interaction.

2. Compromise, compromise, compromise.

When you're not on good terms with your spouse you might want to be spiteful, but try as hard as you can not to be. Mathematician John Nash found a solution to conflict that ended with both parties compromising to restore happiness and equlibrium.

3. Be attentive.

Making your partner feel noticed in your marriage is a big factor in determining whether you'll make it for the long haul. In John Gottman's research he found couples who stay happy read each other's "cues for attention" 86 percent of the time. Couples who divorce slack in this department and only pick up on their partner's cues 33 percent of the time.

4. Stay positive.

This is a toughie since it's usually human nature to complain rather than praise, but if you want to feel good about your marriage then focus on the good. Gottman noticed that happy couples are less likely to nag about little, annoying things like the toilet seat being left up and more likely to praise their spouse when he or she does something right. The praise also has a snowball affect, which leads to YAY: more praise!


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