JUST IN: The *Real* Reason Your Marriage Sucks Is, Well, YOU

Audrey Hepburn
Love, Self

A new study says your marriage is harder than it has to be - and here's why.

Perhaps the "marriage is hard" saying should be changed to "marriage is harder."

The bad news: According to this new study, being in a "rocky" marriage make people unhappier today than it did in the past. The good news: Being in a great marriages makes people happier than it did in the past. But why are there such extremes? Your expectations!

Eli Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern University, published a paper called, "The Suffocation of Marriage." It goes into depth about different generations of marriage, and how in today's society we've ultimately made it harder on ourselves.

Marriage in America started out with "institutional marriage", which was more about two people getting married for food production, and other aspects of security. They were typically satisfied if they had any emotional connection at all to their spouse. Post-1850, came a new wave called "companionate marriage," which is when Americans started including companionship and love into their expectations of a happy marriage. But then that ended in 1965 and we ended up here, today, in the days of "self-expressive marriage".

Love and friendship is no longer enough to satisfy people in long-lasting marriages anymore. 

We now seek personal fulfillment by being able to say our partner make us better people.

Is that asking too much?

Finkel thinks so! He believes to nip this big expectation in the bud you should start looking for personal fulfillment in other things like hobbies, work, and your friends. Another piece of advice is that you shouldn't expect to be the only "taker" in your relationship. If you want a lot then you need to give a lot.

Sounds fair enough to us.


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