They're super sexy and SUPER straight, but in an ideal world they'd swing my way.
A gay man and a heterosexual woman walk into a bar. What do they have in common? Style, bitchy diva moments, cosmos, and of course, the undying boudoir fantasies about heterosexual male celebrities.
Needless to say, for the most part the heterosexual woman has the home field advantage in this arena. On the other hand, many a gay man swears he has the magical, mystical power to flip a straight man gay, even if just for a moment ... or for pay!
This is not that much different than the heterosexual woman who swears she has the magical, mystical power to flip a gay man straight. Obviously, she hasn't read the first line in How To Know You're A Gay Man For Dummies book.
You're gay if you feel the need to avoid the vajayjay at all costs.
Ah, but alas, the gay male mind is so much more creative when it comes to the world of fantasy. Hello! Have you ever seen the embarkation of an Atlantis gay cruise? Those boys have more luggage—loaded with party outfits for 52 events that will happen over seven days—than the Karadashians had for every season of all their reality shows.
So, let's see who, on the celebrity front, gay men would like to work their magic upon to bring into the fantastical rainbow colored world of being gay.
1. Bradley Cooper
Snipe my heart, leave me hungover, and let me write the rainbow linings playbook on how much we'd love to see Bradley Cooper jump over to our side of the playground ... camouflage and all.
2. Seth Rogen
Let's hear it for the bears. Lay Seth Rogen on a buffet table and you'll get more than three bears at the party. You'll get the whole bear cave to the mess hall. Scruffy, with just the right amount of tummy pooch, we salute you, Seth Rogen and still just want to ask, "Are you sure you and Jimmy Franco aren't mixing it up on the side?"
3. James Franco
Speaking of James Franco, which we were in the previous fantasy, you just gotta wonder, "Is he, or isn't he?" Come on, even with chopped off appendages he's still a pretty hot looking, beat-nick sort of, roll in the hay ... right?
4. Zac Efron
Now for the irresistible teen heartthrob, boy next door with abs you just want to chew on and hate, we can have a Wish They Were Gay list without including Zachary David Alexander "Zac" Efron. Okay, we know it's more of a beefcake sort of throw in like Mario Lopez, but please, can we all just do the collective sigh and be done with it?
5. Nick Jonas
Gay men definitely appreciate a boy blessed with a 6-pack. In the hot abs department, where do we begin? Nick Jonas, Ryan Reynolds, Usher, Taylor Lautner. That should be enough 6-packs to get us through until Thursday.
7. Daniel Radcliffe
Nerdy is the new sexy! Some say it's the mind that gets the other head going, but we all know the dorky good looks also work especially when you 'potter' around searching for the 'theory of everything' (no offense to Eddie Redmayne and Daniel Radcliffe). Trust us, we'd all run the numbers and work magical spells with you both.
8. Ryan Gosling
Let's hear it for the bad boys. Robert Downey Jr., Colin Farrell, Justin Timberlake, and, of course, meme-friendly Ryan Gosling. Now that's a foursome worth being in the middle of.
9. Josh Hutcherson
For the "hotties under 30" crowd (or for the daddies who are into the boys), we've got Josh Hutcherson, Chord Overstreet, and Liam Hemsworth. Can you say, "Daddy likes?"
10. George Clooney
Now for the smokin' hot over-50s—Harrison Ford, Richard Gere, Christopher Meloni, Dylan McDermott, and George Clooney. Yes sir, you've got it, pops. Of course I'll call you daddy!
11. Brad Pitt
Now for the sexy-smelly pits—Matthew McConaughey, who doesn't seem to care if his pits smell, and of course Brad Pitt, whose house really must be a mess with all those kids running around.
12. Trey Songz
Sing it to me baby. Woo me with a serenade—Adam Levine (we'd all lick those tattoos), Michael Bublé (croon baby, croon), Enrique Iglesias (si, si, si), Trey Songz (GUURRRL!), Tim McGraw (ride 'em, cowboy), and Ed Sheeran (it's a ginger thing).
13. David Beckham
And last but not least, who can forget the sizzling athletes? Michael Phelps (who drinks as much as most gay men), David Beckham (a man with a talent for balls—soccer balls that is), David Carr and Tom Brady (NFL studs we'd gladly scrimmage with), German tennis star, Nicolas Kiefer, and NBA Basketball hottie Blake Griffin (who bring a whole new definition to the words, "net ball!")