This is not a drill.
Whenever I watch Pride and Prejudice I think about how boring it must have been to live back then. Granted, they had all those fancy balls and Dr. Darcy was a total fox, but when it came to sucking up all the hours in the day, I just don’t know how they did it. I know there was a lot of book reading, piano playing, and walking in circles for reasons I’ll never be able to understand, but what else? To get to the point, how did people survive before technology? As I type this with one hand and tweet my pondering on my phone with my other while watching TV and burning a DVD all at once, I really just don’t know how they did it. Magic, I suppose.
As a technologically-obsessed culture, every time we turn around there’s something new for us to get our hands on and as a product of my culture and generation, I think that’s (mostly) a great thing. One such tech device that I know is going to revolutionize my whole life is the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator. The SGCV may sound a little scary but I assure you it isn’t. No, not at all. Instead, it’s exactly what the world needs and is even greater than its name suggest, because who hasn’t wanted a camera and vibrator all-in-one?
The great thing about the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator is that not only does it get you off, but it allows you to see inside your vagina.
Just simply plug it into your computer and not only are you prepped and ready to witness how your insides quiver and shake when you orgasm but you can also take vagina selfies, which will make for great holiday photos next year. And, because this invention truly is one of a kind and puts all other vibrators to shame, you can also sync it with FaceTime so you and your partner can really take your intimacy to a totally new level. I mean, what couple hasn’t, during FaceTime, wondered out loud to each other, “Wouldn’t this be so much better if we could get a good, up-close look at our vagina?” I know I was pondering that very thing just this morning with my husband, and voila! It’s like all our prayers have been answered.
The Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator will run you £119.99 ($179.99 on the US site), and can be procured from the British sex toy retailer, Lovehoney. But you have to admit that it's sort of funny that something like this would be invented in a country of notoriously prudish Brits who seem to think that even female ejaculation in porn should be banned. They really are no fun there across the pond, are they?
But at least there’s one rebel in the lot, the one who invented the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator, and it’s to them we all owe our undying gratitude. Thank you, SGCV inventor. You’ve really made all our dreams come true. We’ll be sure to send you copies of our vag selfies.
Editor's note: An earlier version of this piece mentioned that Lovehoney's site was blocked, that no longer seems to be the case. It also stated that the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator could be purchased for $183, however, on the U.S. site it's $179.99.