Time to get real.
Many of us are quite accustomed to having sex with the lights off, or at the very least dimmed. Is it because sex in the light of day — or the light of light bulb?! — feels more risqué? More vulnerable?
Maybe that's exactly why we should try it. Sex with the lights on brings a great deal more connection and physical openness, bringing sex to a whole new level for even the most comfortable of relationships.
For those of us feeling inhibited or uncomfortable with our bodies, it can be a really tough bridge to cross. However, if sex is about connecting with your lover, seeing them may be useful.
"Sex isn't supposed to be an act between two disconnected people whose eyes are closed—essentially two people who are emotionally alone but physically connected. It should be between two people who are physically AND emotionally connected. So if you and your man are feeling distant or disconnected, make love. Don't just have sex. You just might find that your relationship becomes deeper and more intense just by opening your eyes," says dating coach Laurel House.
When we are confident enough to strip down and do the deed with the lights on, we are stating that we love ourselves and are ready to share that love and get a little naughty! Let's just keep in mind that it is harder to fake it with the lights on, so better keep it real.
See below for the awesome benefits to brightening up your next romp.
1. You get to unleash your inner voyeur
"If there is one thing I have learned as a dating coach and single woman who has dated a lot, it is that everyone has a little 'naughty voyeur' in them!" says Brooke Lewis, Life Coach & Dating Expert; Owner of Be You And Be Fearless Life Coach.
"We know that men are visual creatures, but I have also learned that it can be an absolute turn-on for a woman to watch a man devour her beautiful body inch by inch! This makes for a fabulous foreplay buildup and can be more seductive than the actual act itself."
2. You can make a connection: A real one
More than for the purpose of getting off, sex is best when you include emotion, says dating coach Laurel House. By looking each other in the eyes, you can truly see each other. You see feeling and heart.
"Sex isn't supposed to be an act between two disconnected people whose eyes are closed—essentially two people who are emotionally alone but physically connected. It should be between two people who are physically AND emotionally connected. So if you and your man are feeling distant or disconnected, make love. Don't just have sex. You just might find that your relationship becomes deeper and more intense just by opening your eyes," says House.
3. You can actually SEE what you are doing
How often when having sex with the lights off do we end up licking an armpit instead of a boob, mouthing a nose , or even worse having the dreaded "ooops" (was it really an oops?) happen?
This is a way you can learn what your partner enjoys, says Cassie Fuller from Touch OF Flavor. "If partners stimulate themselves while the lights are on you can better see where they are touching and how they are doing it. Simply copying what they do takes away a lot of the guess work and makes you look like a sex expert," says Fuller.
4. Your partner actually enjoys visual stimulation
Why do you think he watches porn? Why do you think she looks at all those magazines? It's because we enjoy looking at the people we find sexually stimulating. Chances are your partner will be even more turned on if they can see you, says Fuller.
If you are using a new sex toy or trying out a new kink it is a lot easier to judge if your partner is enjoying it if you can see them clearly. You are also able to judge your movement with the new object.
5. You can embrace your inner exhibitionist
Even when having sex at home, with no one else around and your bedroom door locked there is just something that makes us feel a little naughty and wild when having the lights on, Fuller says.
Your sex life primarily improves by raising your self-esteem and emancipating you to become an uninhibited sexual being. "This frees you to physically move and gyrate in positions you may previously feel self-conscious to do. Losing weight, for some while masturbation for others, helps you get in touch with your own body and discover what pleasures you sexually so that you can communicate more clearly to your partner and he or she can better deliver the goods. The vice versa is also true...meaning when your self-esteem is high you are more capable of focusing on your partner and what pleasures them," says Dr. Fran Walfish, psychotherapist, author, The Self-Aware Parent, and expert panelist on 'Sex Box', WE tv premiering soon in the winter line-up.
6. You're keeping it real
"One of the biggest explanations and fears I hear from my clients (and, struggle with myself!) is, 'I am too flawed to have sex with the lights on and he/she will discover my flaws!' I totally get it! When we get naked with the lights on, we are exposed in every way!" says Lewis. We are not able to hide in the dark and this can be a very vulnerable experience.
"We are literally stepping into the light to reveal our scars and injuries, inside and out. We can no longer hide our cellulite or zits on our back and what does this reveal? We are real humans! We are all imperfect, but want to realize that we deserve to be loved (and, made love to!) regardless. I believe that this begins with self-love. I tell women all the time that the sexiest thing in the world to men (and, vice versa!) is confidence," says Lewis.