10 Small-But-Important Things Your Mom NEVER Told You About Men

Love, Self

A pit stain is a real bitch to get out of a T-shirt.

My mom didn't give me much advice about men, unless you count "Your father is the only good one out there and everyone else is a pig." (Thanks, Mom.) Hopefully others got better, more insightful advice about men and dating/marrying/living with them, although I maintain my mother's advice isn't entirely off-base. But even if you did get great advice on handling the opposite sex, I suspect your mothers didn't tell you these 10 things. If they did, they're the coolest moms ever.

1. They smell. 
It's amazing the number of different smells they not only emit but leave on their clothing. A pit stain is a real bitch to get out of a T-shirt.

2.  They will use your makeup occasionally.
It probably won't be your eyeliner or lipgloss, although I'm not here to judge. They won't readily admit it, but when a pimple comes a poppin', your man will come a knockin'...for concealer.

3. They're not always big eaters.
Contrary to the stereotype, sometimes men order the salad and you feel idiotic ordering a burger and fries with a side of mayo for dipping said fries. (Advice: Don't feel idiotic/never apologize for your appetite.)

4. They secretly like reality TV.
They might complain that you're watching yet another season of "The Bachelor," yet they'll always find a way to be in the room when it's on...and then add commentary. We're onto you.

5. They have expensive hobbies.
He might complain that your day at the spa is pricey, but his round of golf with drinks and dinner has a far steeper price. So don't feel bad about getting a mani/pedi; in fact, go ahead and throw in a facial, too.

6. They like to be pampered.
Those fluffy towels and satin sheets don't just feel good on your skin. He might be relucant to admit it, but he loves the softer, more comfortable things in life. After all, there's a reason they make "His" and "Her" bathrobes. 

7. There's a hierarchy when it comes to sports.
Much like how all sports teams are not created equal, neither are the sports themselves. So don't assume every man will be pumped about watching a golf tournament or a tennis match. Each guy has a definitive pecking order when it comes to extracurriculars. Find out what it is early.

8. They have a biological clock. 
Babies might be kryptonite when men are in their 20s but somewhere along the way in their 30s most of them have a biological clock that starts ticking, even louder than yours sometimes. Although they're loath to admit it, at some point they want to have sex to actually make a baby. 

9.  They're physically incapable of passing up an action movie when flipping channels. 
If it has Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis or Arnold Schwarzenegger, they will watch it. Repeatedly. No matter how horrible the plot.

10. They shed worse than a Golden Retriever.
From leg hair to chest hair to hair on their goddamned armpits, they are hairy beasts who shed constantly. Forget the clumps of hair on your hairbrush (which yes, he will "borrow" from you); check out the tiny animal of hair he left in your drain! Do yourself a favor and buy Drano in bulk.



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