9 Times Being The Child Of A Gynecologist Got Really Awkward

When one of your parents is a gynecologist, things can be a little … interesting. Now imagine having both of your parents looking at vaginas all day long. Yeah. That feeling you’re experiencing? That weird mix of morbid fascination and wanting to stick your head in a hole and never come out? That was my childhood!

Don't get me wrong; it was also pretty cool. Having a mother who can answer literally ANY question you can think of is kind of fun as you get older. (Though there was the time that my mother tried to talk to me about menstrual cycles when I was 12, and I threatened to barrel roll out of the car into the street, but that's probably more my hang-up than hers.) And I was the only kid in the fourth grade who had ever seen sperm under a microscope (for the record, one of the nurses in my mom's office was responsible for that, not dear mama herself).

Anyway, the point of this article isn't to go into the sordid details of my childhood, but rather to commiserate with the other children of OB/GYNs who are floating around the world, loving their parents but slightly scared by what they heard at dinner the other night.  We've all suffered through one or more of the following awkward scenarios. There was…

1 The time your father put a model of the female pelvis on his head like a crown (true story, hand to god).

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2 The time your brother's friend asked your mother about post-partum vaginas … and she answered him.

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3 The time your father was responsible for getting birth control for you, and you avoided his gaze for three weeks straight.

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4 The years of awkward family dinners, during which you dreaded hearing about that day's hysterectomy or particularly nasty yeast infection.

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5 The time your father tried to talk to you about cervical dilation during childbirth, and you put your fingers in your ears and went "la la la la la", like a five-year-old … and you were totally 21.

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6 The time you were getting ready to go to college and your mother brought you samples of a contraceptive sponge, then tried to tell you how to use it.

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7 The time your girlfriends started getting old enough to see an OB/GYN, and you lived in suck a small frekin' town that they had no choice but to go to your father's practice. (He might or might not have been seeing them himself, but just the thought of them being in the same building, with speculums nearby, was too much for you to bear.)

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8 The time your mother decided the DMV was a great place to loudly discuss the pus-filled abscess she lanced that morning.

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9 All the many, many times you walked in on your father reviewing surgical videos like a quarterback on Monday morning, and you saw things that can never be unseen.

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