16 Responses For Those Awkward Holiday Questions

candy canes
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Family

You can love your family to the end of time, but let's be real; they drive you nuts. Everyone's family drives them nuts. It's just the way of the world. So we're here to help you this holiday season. When confronted by a relative armed with awkward questions, you have to remain composed. There's what you want to say, and what you should say (big difference). But never fear, because YourTango has your back. We've formulated the perfect responses to 16 of the most awkward questions your family can come up with. You can thank us with some form of pie. (Totally not kidding; bring one to the office and we'll be your friends forever.)

Okay, here we go…

"Did you gain weight?"
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What you want to say: Bite me This is a boxy sweater.
What you should say: No. Now pass the pie.

2. "What do you do, again?"
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What you want to say: Seriously? You can't remember your only niece's job?
What you should say: I work for a website/bank/oil rig How are you?

3. "Are you still at that job?"
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What you want to say: What's with the judgment, you twit?
What you should say: Yes, and I love it

4. Conversely: "You're still unemployed? What do you do all day?"
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What you want to say: Screw off
What you should say: I'm still looking for the right fit.

5. "Have you considered grad school?"
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What you want to say: No, that never occurred to me Now go away.
What you should say: I don't think it's the right time for grad school right now.

6. "Why don't you move back home?"
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What you want to say: Because much as I love y'all, I'd go postal on the entire family
What you should say: I like my independence.

7. "Are you still not eating meat?" *cue eye roll*
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What you want to say: Bugger off, carnivore
What you should say: No, I like to practice a healthy lifestyle.

8. "Do you still talk to: Insert ex bf/former bestie/elementary school friend you haven’t talked to since 1998?"
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What you want to say: Why would I talk to the prick that broke my heart?
What you should say: Alas, no Hey, I think I hear Mom calling me. Bye!

9. "Why are you wearing that?"
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What you want to say: Because apparently I'm a masochist who set myself up for this moment
What you should say: Because I like it.

10. "Are you seeing anybody yet?"
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What you want to say: Do I look like I'm seeing anyone???
What you should say: Not right now, but I'm happy on my own for the moment

11. For the lesbians whose families refuse to accept it: "So do you have a boyfriend?"
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What you want to say: Get over it, Grandma It's not gonna happen.
What you should say: No, but have you met Claudia?

12. "Are you seriously still with that bum?"
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What you want to say: Hey! That bum has a name
What you should say: He isn't a bum, he's just finding his way.

13. "Are you two ever getting married?"
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What you want to say: That really is none of your goddamn business
What you should say: We're happy the way we are.

14. "When are you having kids?"
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What you want to say: When we're damn well ready, and not a moment sooner
What you should say: When the time is right.

15. "Are you really gonna let your child eat that?"
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What you want to say: Back off, food-Nazi
What you should say: Thanks for your concern, but I got this.

16. And for the YourTango girls: "Are you still working at that sex/porn/dating website?"
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What you want to say: Hell yeah! You want to see the vibrators that came in the mail yesterday?
What you should say: Yes, yes I do And it rocks.

 

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