Don't let his good looks cloud the bigger picture.
By Dr. Sherrie Campbell.
The endless search for lasting love can be exhausting, frustrating, and depressing. In a world dominated by social media, serial dating, and a cheating rate of 60% of all married couples, we may question why we search. We search because we want to be in love. We want to feel that connection and safety with another person. However, making smart decisions when it comes to love is a huge part of this picture. Here are some things to think about, ladies, as you get to know that new guy!
6 Signs This Is NOT 'The Guy'
1. Mr. Unavailable. If you cannot easily get in touch with him when he lives in the same city, something is up. For a woman, it's always a little nerve-wracking to reach out to a new guy. If you call him and he sounds annoyed or inconvenienced or only returns some of your calls/texts, maybe this isn't the guy.
2. Mr. Invalidation. If they last time he complimented you was the day you met, then this is a guy who does not value you the way you deserve. Not that a man should be falling all over himself to compliment you, but he should be proud to be yours and under no uncertain terms let you know this as often as possible. Any healthy partnership is based on recognizing and making the other person feel good. This is natural to the feeling of love.
3. Mr. Only Good In The Moment. When you have confusion because you have an amazing time when you are together, but he hardly makes an effort to be together, he may not be having as much fun as you think. If thoughts of you seem to vanish from his mind when you are not around, and he has every excuse as to why he cannot see you, it is time to walk away, regardless of how good you feel it is when you do spend time together. A man who really wants a woman makes the effort to be with her.
4. Mr. I Want A Mama. If you notice he is always low on funds, food in his fridge and cannot keep his place clean, this man is looking for a mama. He will take from you, allow you to care for him and not value you all at the same time. This is a clear sign he cannot take care of himself. Get up and run.
5. Mr. My Way Or The Highway. This guy is inflexible. Things must go his way for any type of relationship to be established. When you are straightforward with him about what you expect he may agree but when it comes down to it, if it isn’t his way it will be the highway, so start driving. Relationships require flexibility in an effort for both partners to get their needs met. All things cannot be based on one person’s idea of timing.
6. Mr. Quitter. If this man would let you walk away without any type of a fight then he was either never invested, or he knows deep down you are too good for him. Your first real fight will give you an idea if he is a quitter. If you find you have to fix everything when clearly he is in the wrong, you are setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to help fix or nurture the relationship. He would rather give up. This person doesn't have much self-value, and certainly not enough of a work ethic to value anyone else.
All of these men may seem easy to spot, but any one or combination of these traits could happen in your relationships and you will be amazed and what kind mental trickery you will do to stay. You will first search every reason, that regardless of what it looks like, that you have enough evidence he does love you. This is happening because the relationship is still providing you with some amount of value, happiness and pleasure; you have an attachment to him and this is hard to let go of.
Little Life Message: If staying with a man comes from making excuses and justifying his substandard treatment, you are missing out on meeting someone who can love you, no excuses.
This article was originally published at eHarmony. Reprinted with permission from the author.