Dear gay people: Could you please stop "bullying" Michelle Bachmann? It's not nice, and it's really upsetting her. Why can't you just keep your " lifestyle " to yourself? Can't you see how you're ruining this country? Sigh. Once again, Bachmann is angry and the LGBT community is to blame, because, of course. As one of the many Republican politicians who were beside themselves in the tears of defeat after Arizona's "right-to-discriminate" bill failed to be passed, Bachmann has decided to take a stand against the community that she sees as a bunch of bullies. Bachmann took her rhetoric to Lars Larson at the Conservative Political Action Conference to express her concerns about all this bullying, "And the thing that I think is getting a little tiresome is the gay community have so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don't." What the wha? This isn't the first time Bachmann has said some unsavory and ill-informed things about the LGBT community; it's practically her shtick now. Here are some other ridiculous comments that Bachmann has made, that will make you shudder, and scream out, "What the wha?" too. 1. "Help! Help! I'm being held against my will!" Who can forget the time Bachmann, when approached by two women who wanted to know her stance on LGBT rights, freaked out and claimed she was being held against her will? In the police report , she also expressed her serious concern about what they planned "to do to her." 2. "Don't misunderstand. I am not here bashing people who are homosexuals, who are lesbians, who are bisexual, who are transgender. We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders." This particular quote by Bachmann really opens up the opportunity for someone (ME!) to make a dysfunction joke here about her, but I'm taking the high road on this one. 3 . "People who are practicing pedophiles would be considered protected under this legislation, but not, I understand, veterans, not, I understand, pregnant women, not, I understand, 85-year-old grandmothers would be protected under this law. But who would be protected? A pedophile, someone who considers themselves gay , someone who considers themselves transgender, someone who considers themselves a cross-dresser? That is who is protected." Because the entire LGBT community are a bunch of pedophiles, in Bachmann's head, and therefore, do not deserve any type of legislation regarding hate crimes. 4. "Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of The Lion King for instance, and a teacher might say, 'Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?' The message is: I'm better at what I do, because I'm gay." How this makes any sense is something only Bachmann and her cronies will ever understand. But at least we can kind of deduce that she’s not an Elton John fan. 5. "Any of you who have members of your family in the lifestyle, we have a member of our family that is [ lesbian ]. This is not funny. I'’s a very sad life. It ' s part of Satan, I think, to say that this is gay." Bachmann isn't too keen on her stepsister, Helen LaFave, being a lesbian because, you know, that makes Helen some sort of devil worshipper. No one likes devil worshippers. 6. "Unfortunately she is now suffering from breast cancer, so keep her in your prayers. This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian." This particular WTF moment is brought to you from November 2004, when Bachmann basically blamed Melissa Etheridge's cancer on that fact that she's gay. Takeaway? All gays will get cancer if they don't repent RIGHT. NOW. KEEP READING ... 7. "We're in a state of crisis where our nation is literally ripping apart at the seams right now, and lawlessness is occurring from one ocean to the other. And we're seeing the fulfillment of the Book of Judges here in our own time, where every man doing that which is right in his own eyes — in other words, anarchy." That ripping apart of which Bachmann speaks can be attributed to the gay marriage debate of 2004. Apparently, 2004 was a big year for her contributions to her long list of "Greatest Hits." 8. "If you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. It is personal bondage, personal despair and personal enslavement." I'm so sorry to inform you, my LGBT friends, but you're slaves to your "lifestyle." And all this time you were wondering what was wrong with you; now you know. 9. "And what a bizarre time we're in, Jan, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it." Hey, why don't you try on this homosexuality for size! How's the fit? You like it? Well, now you're gay. 10. "They can get married. But they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they're a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they're a man." Please note that Bachmann isn't against gays getting married; she's against gays getting gay married. 11. "This is a very serious matter, because it is our children who are the prize for this community, they are specifically targeting our children." As with any “evil” thing, the best way to spread the evil is to start with the kids. Teach them the way when they’re young and vulnerable! 12. "Gay marriage is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understanding that." Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! Where are Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers when we need a good ol' fashioned "Seriously?" session, because I'm pretty sure this is not the biggest issue in this country. Shall we take a look at the poverty stats, Michelle?
