The practice of just ignoring each other has been crucial to us being able to live together.
I met Michael six months after I left my previous relationship and was, I think, understandably not eager to get into anything super-committed. It turned out I had good reason to be wary: I was still trying to figure out my sense of what “myself” or “Rebecca” was as an individual after being in a relationship that required me to defer to being one-half of a couple, not one whole person in a partnership with another whole person. The baggage weighed on me and made me scared of what the relationship would ask of me. Michael and I broke up twice.
The second time it happened, it was in no small part because we were spending exorbitant amounts of time with each other. Toward the end, I didn’t have a job, and I figured anything I wanted to do for myself I had to do in the beginning of the day because he’d want to see me at the end of the day, and I should dedicate my time and attention to him while he was home. Here’s the problem: Michael was working three or four eight-hour shifts a week. Accounting for sleep, that meant that there were 100 hours a week that we were acting like we had to spend together, paying complete attention to each other, and frankly neither of us is interesting enough to fill up that much time.
Read the rest over at The Frisky: Life After Dating: My Relationship Works Because We Ignore Each Other Half The Time
This article was originally published at The Frisky. Reprinted with permission from the author.