Oftentimes when we get what we think we want, it isn't really what we want.
When I trace back the progression of the last few months of my romantic life, it pretty much all leads to Dan Savage.
It was the sex advice columnist and host of the Savage Lovecast who first introduced me to the idea of "monogamish," or open relationships and his constant touting of them on his podcast that first kindled — and then maintained — my desire to be in one.
Of course, James’s* big biceps didn’t hurt, either.
James is my boyfriend -- kind of. Emphasis on the kind of. At 36, he’s almost 10 years older than me, but you couldn’t tell by looking at him. A former personal trainer, he remains almost cartoonishly muscled, with a square jaw, blue eyes and thick, swooping chestnut hair that give him a classic handsomeness. He’s a thoughtful guy who likes talking about ideas, asks questions and really listens to your answers. In other words, he’s a catch.
James is also definitely the boyfriend of a girl named Willow*. Soon, she’ll be moving from the city where she lives to the one that James and I both live in, and they’ll be renting a house together. Meanwhile, she’s based two hours away where she has a kinda-boyfriend named Marco*.
Each one of us knows about the other ones. When she’s in town, Willow comes to cookouts at my house with James. In a few weeks, she’ll start working at the same place I do. I’m the one who suggested she apply.
This is where things begin to get complicated.
To read on head to: I’M IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP, AND IT’S MOSTLY PRETTY AWKWARD
This article was originally published at xojane. Reprinted with permission from the author.