By now, everyone's seen the super awkward trailer for 50 Shades of Grey. After all the talk of who was going to play Christian Grey, it seems like they might have made the wrong choice, because Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have as much chemistry and charisma as a pair of mismatched old socks. With holes in them, because it's a sexy movie.
It's too late to fix the first film, but they can always recast for 50 Shades Darker. Here are 13 stars who would make a much better Christian Grey. At least from the point of view of a guy who's probably going to have to sit through the first Fifty Shades Of Grey movie so his girlfriend can write another scathing article about it when it's over.
2. John Goodman
The only sub he's looking for is a sandwich.
3. Zach Galifianakis
A sexy name for a sexy part.
4. Steve Buscemi
He could play a Christian Grey who doesn't have time for dentists but still has those intense eyes.
5. Michael Cera
He has face made for BDSM masks.
6. Kevin James
Instead of steamy sex, he could add slapstick! Or make slapstick literal since it's BDSM and all.
7. Kevin Smith
He could bring along his friend and call it "Jay and Silent Grey."
8. Dan Aykroyd
50 Shades of Ghostbusters means he can exorcise Christian Grey's personal demons. Or 50 Shades of Blues Brothers means a lot more soul. Either way, this is a win.
9. Jon Lovitz
Imagine Christian Grey shouting "eat fresh!" Or openly criticizing Ana Steele for her performance. Or for her dumb "Oh jeez!" inner goddess commentary.
10. Rob Reiner
He'd bring the intensity that this role needs.
11. William Shatner
He could just read the book out loud on screen.
12. Oliver Platt
He'd bring some class to the role.
13. Jason Alexander
He starred in a show about nothing, how about a movie about nothing (but sex)?