Adam Levine And Behati Prinsloo Are Married, But Not For Long

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Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo tied the knot, but knowing him, those laces will come loose.
 

Don't hold your breath for Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo to eventually celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary or anything. Because Adam Levine is a douchebag (he's not sure of it, but we are).

He's a rockstar, she's a Victoria's Secret model. That right there is enough to put the new marriage on shaky legs (so much temptation!), but Levine's dating history doesn't exactly help: The Maroon 5 frontman married longtime (that's a whopping two years in rockstar language) girlfriend Behati Prinsloo in a Mexican beach resort this last weekend. Before he said "I do," Levine made Prinsloo sing her vows while he stood there with back turned to her. Okay, no, he didn't really do that, but we could see him doing that, because this is a guy who admittedly and proudly takes girls to McDonald's for first dates.

 

Looking at Levine's past, he does seem to have a thing for models with hard to pronounce names, which means he either is really shallow or he was just curious about how to pronounce their names and only accidentally ended up sleeping with them as part of his research. He's also been rumored to have dated (or at least had something, by his own admission, with) Lindsay Lohan, and even if that's not true, just the fact that the rumor exists is pretty skeezy, especially since he slut-shamed her for it. She's her own woman and can do what she wants, and the fact that Levine hooked up with her and then publicly bashed her for being promiscuous says more about his own standards and character than about hers. (It says that he's a creep and a douchebag, in case you were wondering.)

Adding to why he's a catch (like herpes), the singer went on Howard Stern to discuss his publicly discuss his sex life with Anne V., and broke up with not only Nina Agdal by text message (after he just ghosted on her first), but also Jessica Simpson. And let's be honest: Jessica Simpson can barely read, so making her read a breakup text is just mean. And he explains all of this piggish behavior by saying it's "because he loves women so much." Then why doesn't he respect them?

Looking through a Victoria's Secret catalog (purely for work reasons), there's no shortage of bafflingly named hot models. I'm not saying that I don't believe in romance, but hopefully Levine and Prinsloo signed some sort of prenup. Knowing Levine, he probably got it tattooed somewhere on his abs.

I wish these two the best, but just saying — if I were Prinsloo, I'd disable the texting feature on my phone. Breakups are always better in person.

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