The 17 Awkward Stages Of One-Night Stands

awkward
Contributor
Sex

Let's get weird!

One-night stands are a lot of fun, but let's be real; they are tricky as all hell. From beginning to end, the decision to have sex with a stranger is a situation fraught with odd pitfalls. Thankfully, hormones cover a lot of those pitfalls nicely. But just for giggles, let's really examine those awkward stages, one by one.

 

Scoping out your target at the bar (without looking like a huge creeper).
Fighting your friends for dibs on said target, and causing a huge scene.
Making your approach.
Trying to seduce them with you amazing dance skills.
Coming to the mutual decision to go get it on with a stranger.
The fumbling in the cab.
Yet more fumbling as you get up the your apartment.
Trying to cover your nerves with dirty talk.
That horrifying moment when you aren't sure if you have any condoms, and thinking you might have to call it off.
Trying not to do a full on victory dance when you find one in the bedside table.
Getting naked. Period.
Scrambling to figure out which way is up when they want to try something freaky.
Having to pretend to enjoy this nonsense right here:
Fighting off a post-coital cuddle.
Trying to get rid of them in the morning, when they feel like lingering.
Overthinking the whole damn thing.
And then tossing all the awkwardness aside and congratulating yourself for being totally badass and independent.

 

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Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
Are you still single and you don't why?
You constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells.