Good News For Brown Eyes: What Your Face Says About Your Sex Life

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Plus, find out what color eyes are more likely to hit it and quit it.

The human face is far more intricate in its ability to convey your inner thoughts than you think. While it may be easy to break up facial expressions into just a handful of categories — happy, sad, confused, angry, and the like — the reality is that your face can actually make 7000 distinct, completely different expressions. Pretty impressive, eh? And with those 7000 expressions you're literally an open book for those who practice the ancient art of face reading. For more than 3000 years, the Chinese have been able to see exactly what you really mean just from the tiniest and even most subtle expressions. I bet you didn't know that your overly plucked, thin eyebrows means you're not interested in sex, did you?

As with any practice of understanding humanity and emotions, this face reading stuff, if you really get good at it, can be the winning ticket to truly understanding the desires of those around you. Not only will you be able to know, really know, that someone with thin eyebrows is an icy, cold, asexual being, but those with bushy eyebrows are so sexual that if they don't get it enough, they're liable to go looking for it elsewhere. At least this is according to relationship expert Tracey Cox who claims that the lines around her nose means that she pretty much thinks about sex 24/7, among other things. 

Other points of interest on your face that you may want to know about as declared by Ms. Cox?

If you have pale eyes, you like sex but want to get in and out, and move on to the next person. This is because you don't get attached easily and are therefore, probably, incapable of love. Those with dark eyes, on the other hand, are passionate, intense, and killer in the sack. Basically, just having brown eyes alone means all you have to do is show up, and you'll blow minds with your sexual skills.

When it comes to noses you'll probably prefer a "bumpy" nose, as opposed to a "snub" nose, because the former are kinky people and that latter are boring and big fans of the missionary position. Cox calls you people "drippy" lovers. Sorry!  It seems the only hope for you is rhinoplasty, so it's best to start your plastic surgeon research now. Hey! Don't get mad! Blame your parents for giving you the wrong nose!

Lines, aka. wrinkles, are also big telltale signs of what you can expect from someone sexually. Thin lines under the lower eyelids means that someone has a sexual appetite for the record books and that "nothing is forbidden and everything goes." Yes, this means you do anal, because what else is "everything goes" a euphemism for? If you have fine lines under your nose, then you're just like Cox and, "This is apparently a sure-fire sign of someone who rarely thinks about anything else but sex (well, it is my job!) Blessed/cursed with the highest libido of all, they need to be loved in every way possible and are extremely hard to satisfy." Cox would like you to know that she has the highest libido of all, you guys. Like, don't even try to beat her at this game, because she will win; her libido is THAT. HUGE.

If you have a large mouth, you are an unselfish lover. You live to take your time and if you're a dude with a large mouth, you're "unbeatably potent." The same can not be said for those with small mouths who orgasm too quickly, are not affectionate, and have a low tolerance people. Full bottomed-lip people are cheaters, and you can’t talk your way out of it, because Cox and her face reading techniques declare it so. Also, you wear Pink on Wednesdays and want to lose three pounds by Spring Fling. So there's that.

While the studying of facial expressions is a real thing, based on Cox's accompanying photo and how she describes the best lovers out there, her explanations might be a bit biased. As someone who has the exact opposite features of her, based on her theories, I totally suck in bed, as does every other blue-eyed person with a small mouth. I mean, maybe I do, but I can't imagine it's that way for all of us with these features —or could it be? I don't know; you tell me how right or wrong you think this Tracey Cox the "expert" is. Now excuse me while I try to grow back my eyebrows.

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