9. When you feel everything would be OK if HE would just change. The only person you can change is yourself, so if you're waiting for him to change, you're going to be waiting a long time. This is often when I recommend hiring a coach or therapist to better understand who you are and what you want. Then, if challenges continue to persist, reach out to a couple's therapist to learn better tools for relating to each other.
10. When you’re living separate lives. When couples become more like roommates than a married couple, this may indicate a need for counseling. This does not mean a couple is in trouble just because they don't do everything together. Rather, if there is a lack of communication, conversation, intimacy or if they feel they just "co-exist," this may indicate that it's time to bring in a skilled clinician who can help sort out what is missing and how to get it back.
11. When your sex life has shifted significantly. It's not unusual for sex to taper off a little after you've been together for a while. However, significant changes in the bedroom signal something is not right. An increase in sex, by the way, is also a sign of challenges, as it can signal one partner trying to make up for something they’re doing that they feel is wrong.
12. When you argue over the same little things over and over again. Every individual has trigger behaviors — specific things that drive them crazy that wouldn't bother the majority of other people. This can include issues like laundry, how the dishwasher is loaded and having the same thing for dinner too often. The other partner often doesn't understand why these fights keep happening and what he or she can do about it. A therapist can help a couple discuss these issues and figure out what the real root of the issue is.
13. When there are ongoing relationship issues. Every relationship has sticking points or those big-ticket arguments that carry over for months without any kind of resolution in sight. This includes differing views on family finances, incompatible sex drives and child rearing philosophies. These challenges feel impossible, but they can be worked out and both partners can reach a reasonable resolution. Therapists help if both parties are committed to understanding the other's point of view and are willing to find common ground.
Most couples wait too long before seeking help. In truth, you are best served if you seek help sooner rather than later.
Want to find out how your relationship compares to those of your favorite, most volatile reality TV couples? Tune in on Friday, May 30 to the season premiere of Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars on WE tv and get your ultimate reality show fix.