Your spouse has always been a wonderfully supportive and loving partner, but you're not sure how he will react to your latest news. You've thought long and hard, weighed the pros and cons, and you've made your decision. You want to become a surrogate mother.
Telling your spouse can be tricky, particularly if you've never discussed the possibility of surrogacy. Before you begin the conversation, make sure that you have all your facts.
It takes two.
While you will be the one carrying the baby and undergoing all of the physical changes that go along with that, your husband will also be greatly impacted by your surrogacy. It is important that you recognize the sacrifice that he will be making before you approach him with your decision.
Health risks. All pregnancies--traditional or surrogate--come with a certain degree of risk to the woman's health and your spouse will likely be concerned about the physical ramifications of your decisions He will also have to endure the emotional roller-coaster caused by morning sickness and changes in your hormone levels.
Travel restrictions. You will likely be subject to restrictions in mobility due to your surrogacy contract. These could include not being able to move out of state during your pregnancy, not being able to travel during your final trimester, and forgoing out-of-town family gatherings close to your due date.
Moral objections. There is also the possibility that he will object to surrogacy for moral or religious reasons. Going ahead with your plans; therefore, could cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Possible legal woes. While each party within the surrogacy arrangement is legally bound to adhere to a contract, there is always the possibility that you will have to take legal action to force the other side to live up to their part. This could result in a financial burden and a great deal of stress.
Sharing your decision.
Most experts agree that you should not "hit" your husband with the news of your intention of being a surrogate until you are sure, yourself, that this is a path you would like to take. If you have made a definite decision, it is recommended that you consider the following.
Know the facts. If you husband has questions about the procedure, the process, or the legalities, you had better be able to answer them. If you don't know your facts, he will question how much you have thought this through.
Research. Present him with research, sample contracts, and testimonials from people who have enjoyed the surrogate experience. Encourage him to conduct research on his own.
Plan ahead. Try to anticipate some of his questions and concerns, so that you can formulate replies. Also, ensure that you schedule a time for this discussion that will be free from interruptions.
Listen. Allow him to speak openly and frankly and, most importantly, DO NO interrupt. Listen to what he is saying and be open to the fact that he may never say what you want to hear. Surrogacy is not right for everyone.
Join others. It may be helpful to join a social group for experienced and new surrogate parents. This will help both of you examine the facts and reach an educated and informed decision.
And always bear in mind that your spouse may never hop on board. If he does not, you will not likely be deemed a viable prospect for surrogacy. This is a reality for which you must be prepared. You'll never know the answer unless you ask. So do your research, know your stuff, and speak openly and honestly.
How did your spouse react to your wish to become a surrogate? What concerns did he have? How did you address these concerns?