The only long-term winners of divorce are those who don't play The Blame Game for long. They're the ones who realize that it takes two people to make a marriage work and two people for the marriage to fall apart. They're the ones who are willing to look long and hard at themselves, to dig through the barriers they’ve built and hidden behind and become better at being authentically themselves without a need to point fingers.
Your Functional Divorce Assignment:
Ready to stop playing The Blame Game once and for all? Your Functional Divorce Assignment will help you put an end to the game — or at least help decrease your participation in it so you can heal from your divorce. Ask yourself these four questions below.
1. What specifically are you blaming your spouse for? Are you blaming them for having an affair? Are you blaming them for not loving you? Are you blaming them for squandering the marital assets or getting you into debt? You're probably blaming them for multiple things. Make a list of everything you’re blaming your spouse for.
2. How do you feel when you look at the list? Most players of The Blame Game don't feel especially good when they're playing. They may feel a vindicated anger, but that's very different from feeling good. My guess is that you'd rather feel good than continue blaming your spouse.
3. How would your life change if you stopped blaming your spouse? Be as specific as you can about what your life would be like and the emotions you might feel. You might feel free or relaxed or happy or confident or...
When I stopped playing The Blame Game, I felt both exhilarated and a bit scared, and these feelings were so much better than the turmoil I had been feeling.
4. What steps can you take to start your life changing in this positive way? You might want to start focusing more on what you want your life to be like instead of how it got to be how it is right now. You might want to simply make a decision that you will now stop all blame. You might take some time to think about how you could have contributed to the situation that you’ve been blaming your spouse for. There are all kinds of things you might choose to do to stop playing The Blame Game; the important thing is that you choose one to start with and then do it.
Still having trouble figuring out how to stop playing The Blame Game? Then you might want to consider scheduling a Complimentary Consultation with me. Together we will figure out how you can stop blaming and get on with living the best of your life.