Ready To Get Over Your Divorce? Quit Playing This Tricky Game

By

couple-divorce
The faster you move past blame the faster you'll heal from your divorce.

The only long-term winners of divorce are those who don't play The Blame Game for long. They're the ones who realize that it takes two people to make a marriage work and two people for the marriage to fall apart. They're the ones who are willing to look long and hard at themselves, to dig through the barriers they’ve built and hidden behind and become better at being authentically themselves without a need to point fingers.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:
Ready to stop playing The Blame Game once and for all? Your Functional Divorce Assignment will help you put an end to the game — or at least help decrease your participation in it so you can heal from your divorce. Ask yourself these four questions below.

1. What specifically are you blaming your spouse for? Are you blaming them for having an affair? Are you blaming them for not loving you? Are you blaming them for squandering the marital assets or getting you into debt? You're probably blaming them for multiple things. Make a list of everything you’re blaming your spouse for.

2. How do you feel when you look at the list? Most players of The Blame Game don't feel especially good when they're playing. They may feel a vindicated anger, but that's very different from feeling good. My guess is that you'd rather feel good than continue blaming your spouse.

3. How would your life change if you stopped blaming your spouse? Be as specific as you can about what your life would be like and the emotions you might feel. You might feel free or relaxed or happy or confident or... 

When I stopped playing The Blame Game, I felt both exhilarated and a bit scared, and these feelings were so much better than the turmoil I had been feeling.

4. What steps can you take to start your life changing in this positive way? You might want to start focusing more on what you want your life to be like instead of how it got to be how it is right now. You might want to simply make a decision that you will now stop all blame. You might take some time to think about how you could have contributed to the situation that you’ve been blaming your spouse for. There are all kinds of things you might choose to do to stop playing The Blame Game; the important thing is that you choose one to start with and then do it.

Still having trouble figuring out how to stop playing The Blame Game? Then you might want to consider scheduling a Complimentary Consultation with me.  Together we will figure out how you can stop blaming and get on with living the best of your life.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr Karen Finn

Divorce Coach

Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach and the owner of The Functional Divorce. She works with people through all the different life changes divorce creates so they can get to living the best of their lives.

She is the author of On the Road from Heartbreak to Happiness daily messages to help you help yourself heal from divorce.

Dr. Karen is happy to give you "The 5 Things You MUST Know About Your Divorce". In it you'll get the information you need to be prepared for how your divorce will change your life.

 

 

Location: Ovilla, TX
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr Karen Finn:

Who Needs Your Ex? Give Yourself A Massage

By

One of the things that surprised me when I got divorced was how much I missed being touched. During the course of a typical day, my ex and I would accidentally bump into each other in the kitchen, briefly touch hands while we handed things to each other or touch the other on the arm to quietly capture their attention. Somehow after my divorce, this lack of ... Read more

You May Be Mad At Your Ex, But Don’t Be An Exhole

By

An exhole is an ex who acts like an a**hole. In my role as a divorce coach, I've heard all kinds of stories from my clients and family law attorneys. Many times, the stories a client tells me are about their ex behaving like an exhole, but not always. Sometimes I have clients who don't immediately realize that THEY are the exhole. Here are some ... Read more

Don't Turn Your Divorce Into A War

By

Steve had been having an affair with Stacie for a couple of years. Yesterday, she told him she was pregnant. At first he was shocked when he heard the news. But then he started thinking about the whole situation. In fact, he'd been thinking about what he really wanted out of life all day. He realized he was happier with Stacie than he had ever been or could ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB