"It was too much pressure."
By Amanda Chatel — Written on Jul 22, 2016
Once rumored to be the stuff of legends and the type of thing you'd only read about in a Marquis de Sade novel, threesomes are far more common than you might think. While many straight men have dreamed and longed for the day that they might have two women at once, but thinking the possibility was moot, a lot of women are actually down with them. Perhaps threesomes are the wave of the future?
The app 3nder definitely thinks so. The new ménage a trois tool is making it easier than ever to find a third partner to join you in bed.
So we asked both men and women who have had a threesome (or two or three) in their lives what lessons they learned from them.
1. Two times is not always a charm.
"I had a threesome with a friend and a guy I was casually dating, and it was great! We had a lot of fun; there was zero jealousy (thank you, alcohol), and it was a very enjoyable experience. However, when we tried to go for a second round a couple months later, it was a disaster. Call it bad timing or an error in the line-up of the stars, but it made all of us realize sometimes you just shouldn't repeat the past." —Brigitte, 33
2. Choose an appropriate soundtrack.
"My first threesome was to a soundtrack of a CD single, L.A. Style's 'James Brown is Dead.' (Shut up, this was in the very early 90s, OK?) The naked time was fun, but that song on repeat was downright maddening." —Sarah, 36
3. There's such a thing as too many penises.
"My one old 'friend with benefits' was super into MMF threesomes, and I thought I would be too, but every time he suggested one, I was like... nah, I'm good. Whereas I was always down for having a threesome with him and a girl, like the time his other 'friend with benefits' came over randomly, and we all had sex." —Anna, 29
4. There's such a thing as too many vaginas.
"I lived my whole life thinking that a threesome would be the greatest thing ever. Two women all to myself? Yes! But the one time I did it, I couldn't get it up. It was too much pressure, and the humiliation that followed killed all future threesome fantasies." —M, 29
5. If you can, be the third wheel.
"The thing I learned about threesomes is it's the most fun if you are the third leg. I've only ever been with previously established couples, so I can just focus on enjoying myself without paranoia regarding the relationship dynamic afterward." —Colleen, 30.
6. Communication can prevent physical injuries.
"The open communication people use preparing for (and during) a threesome should extend to twosome sex encounters, because it's really great. In my experience, everybody is very, 'Is this okay?' 'Can I do this?' 'Do you want to ___ now?' And it's necessary to make sure everyone is comfortable as well as, like, logistically, so no one bumps into each other or whatever." —A, 25
7. Same gender threesomes are awesome, even if you're straight.
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"I've found I prefer my threesome (or more-some) participants to be of the same sex. I've had MFF and FFF, FFFF, FFFFF and the Fs were more fun. I'm too ADD for the genital switch-up of a male and female partner. How you treat each is so vastly different, I find it jarring to go from one extreme to another. I haven't had a FMM, but I'm certainly not opposed to it. That would be in keeping with the ADD rule; it's just harder to find men who are comfortable in that situation than it is to find women who are cool with it." —Samantha, 30.
8. Be attentive to everyone involved.
"What I learned from my one threesome? If not everyone is getting their equal amount of attention, someone will cry. It seemed like everything was fair to me, until one of the women cried because she felt left out. It immediately ruined the mood, because then we had to switch gears to console her. It was really weird." —Kevin, 31
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