We're Not Joking: Beard Transplants Are Now A Thing

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man with beard
You know we love a good beard. But faux-facial hair? Next ...

In my mind, the only real "hipsters" are those "cats" in the 1940's, when the word "hip" hit the jazz scene. Jack Kerouac, a hipster in his own right, explained that the subculture of these folks could be defined as those "rising and roaming America, bumming and hitchhiking everywhere [as] characters of a special spirituality." Not much later, Norman Mailer explained that hipsters were existentialists who, "divorce [themselves] from society, to exist without roots, to set out on that uncharted journey into the rebellious imperatives of the self." Those were hipsters, that was the hipster lifestyle and mentality, and it's definitely a far cry from what people have associated with the word "hipster" in the last 10 to 15 years.

"Hipster" is not a positive adjective these days, but rather one that explains an over-privileged twit who is likely to self identify themselves as a hipster, without any real knowledge of the history of it all. Kerouac and his buddies would be laughing so hard at the hipsters we see roaming the streets today in their, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm so original and cutting edge!" sort of way. There is no longer a legitimate cause or the desire to make a social statement attached to the adjective, but rather fakeness instead. Hipsters today just don't "get it," and to further prove just how fake they are, some dude hipsters are getting beard transplants because, as we all know, you can't truly look the part of a hipster without a beard. Go ahead and have yourself a giggle; you really should. 

According to plastic surgeons, guys who can't grow the proper amount of facial hair to rock the type of beard that would make ladies swoon and other men jealous are opting to get a transplant to fulfill their furry face dreams. The transplant, that runs about $7,000 — and you know insurance isn't covering that— is being sought after by mostly "artistic and hipster types in their late 20s to 40s." As Dr. Yael Halaas, a facial plastic surgeon in New York explained to MSN.com, "They are young people who live in Brooklyn, look cool and hip and tend to work in the visual arts. I've had pork-pie hats in my office and that kind of beige and olive wardrobe they tend to wear."

Pork-pie hats? I thought Brooklyn hipsters were all about fedoras, ironically, of course because they're pretty passé. But as for these "beige and olive" outfits, that one is lost on me. I will further investigate the next time I'm in the Bushwick or Bed-Stuy neighborhoods of Brooklyn, and report back.

If you're wondering exactly how this beard transplanting thing is happening, it sounds relatively easy (read: painful as hell). First surgeons extract a bunch of head hair from the roots or, if you're a baldie, then from your chest hair instead. Next, they take these extractions and "implant them into the face thought tiny cuts." Sounds like an awesome way to spend a couple hours, doesn't it?

It takes a week for your face to recover from shoving those hair roots into your face via cuts, and then it can take upwards of 10 months to get that super cool bushy-bearded look.

Anyone who can just drop $7,000 at a facial plastic surgeon's office for a transplanted beard is living in one hell of a privileged world — and one of utter absurdity, too, because a transplanted beard? Really? REALLY?! Oh, the humanity.

Would you date a guy with a fake beard? Sound off in the comments below.

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