How I Knew It Was Love

By

How I Knew It Was Love
Alternatively Titled: The Worst Conversation Of My Life

You know the party scene in American Pie where Tara Reid and her curly-haired friend talk about orgasms? Tara says something like: "I've had an orgasm! I think…" and the friend fires back with something sassy like: "Oh, you'd know!" It's the moment during which every teenage girl in every movie theater across America side-gazed at her boyfriend of 3 weeks, wondering if the result of his fumbling backseat groping behind Burger King was or wasn’t her first.

That mystery over whether it’s happened or not is how I have always felt about love.

We all remember the first time we told someone that we loved them. For me, it was the same night I lost my virginity. I was in college and had started dating a basketball player (let’s call him JTT) 3 months earlier. We had been close friends for a while and despite the fact that he wore size 14 sneakers, he felt like a safe bet to round third base.

Within minutes, with his sheets looking like something out of Game of Thrones, I made him stop and started crying. He responded by telling me that he loved me (you know, what every girl wants to hear while she’s sobbing over a disappointing first time). I said it back for all the right reasons –to distract from the horrible sex, because I didn’t want to leave him hanging, and because I didn’t know what love felt like so it was possible that I wasn’t lying.

When we started dating, I was a junior and JTT was a senior. We stayed together through my graduation and even when I moved to LA after, leaving him in Boston –and that’s when things went South faster than a cheerleader on prom night. There was a good deal of cheating, a lot of swearing, and ultimately, acceptance that we were great friends, but not a great couple. If I still loved the same things I had loved my junior year in college, I would have a Jackass poster on the wall of my LA apartment. Did I love him? Yes. But I never felt sure that I was truly "in love" with him.

I didn’t feel anything remotely close to love until a few years later. I was at a beer garden with my friends, celebrating Galentine’s Day, when a guy (let’s call him Taylor Hanson) and his friends sent a round of tequila shots to our table. A few days later, Taylor and I went on our first date: ice skating in Bryant Park. That tells you everything you need to know about him.

The next 4 weeks were like a dream, because they were just that: a carefully planned fantasy/scam that Taylor played out on every girl he dated. Every night was something new and spontaneous: soccer and an arcade in Brooklyn, MoMA and the chef’s table at Ippudo, closing down his restaurant to cook me dinner, a spontaneous trip to DC to see the monuments, and finally surprising me with 2 tickets to Puerto Rico for my birthday. And then at the 2-month mark, 2 weeks before my birthday, after telling my friends he loved me, as he did with every other girl, he pulled the ripcord.

He took a female intern on my birthday trip to Puerto Rico in my place. Two months later, she posted a sad song to Soundcloud about having been dicked over the exact same way.

Months later and still in disbelief that I had been duped by a guy whom I referred to as Taco throughout our relationship, I met my most recent ex (let’s call him Leonardo Dicaprio). I didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend, but something just clicked. Almost immediately, it felt as though we’d known each other forever.

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB
  • When it comes to attraction, men and women prefer good grooming and posture over good looks.