Recently, The New York Times published a fantastic article on marriage and sex. The piece explored the nuances of modern "equal responsibility" marriages. I was eager to read the piece since I've struggled so much in my sexless marriage.
One of the main premises of the article was that the more housework, chores and child care that a husband is doing, the less sex that couple is having. Looking at my own life, I think this is a huge factor in our lacking sex life. For one, my husband is a neat freak. He cleans non-stop. He works a full day at the office and then comes home and he has to clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher and fold laundry, all before he can sit down and have dinner. He tells me he can't relax when the house is a mess. It's a definite point of contention; I know he wants me to clean up more around the house so he doesn't have to. I usually shrug these requests off. My response has usually been, "Oh, don't even look at the mess, just ignore it, we have more important things to do with our time." The truth is that I am lazy. I would rather spend my time during the day playing with the kids. I don't like prioritizing housework even though he has asked me to repeatedly. I realize now that it is quite spoiled and selfish of me not to do more. Of course adding housework onto his already full plate is exhausting. My husband provides for us and when he is at home he is super hands-on with the kids and the housework. Is it fair for me to expect him to want to have sex after a long, non-stop day?
Read the rest over at Elizabeth Street: If I Clean the House, Will My Husband Have Sex With Me?
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