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Exploring the Dichotomy of a BDSM relationship.

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Exploring the Dichotomy of a BDSM relationship.
Exploring the truth of the power exchange in our nascent BDSM relationship. -Casey and Lacey

Safe Words, Whips and Leather, Paddles and Spanking. It’s all very exciting stuff. Or maybe your reaction is it’s all too freaky for me; let me out of here.

We'd ask that you would stick it out. We were as surprised as anyone by the discoveries we’ve made.

Lacey and I have each lived a life, we are a 40 something couple that are remarried. Recently we've discovered a D/s side to our relationship. How it came about is a post for another day. The power exchange is the focus of this blog. I am the Dom and Lacey is the sub. Typically these types of relationships are noted with an uppercase D and a lowercase s to highlight the power dynamics. Sorta.

To begin, let me introduce Lacey:

She is a powerful woman. When we aren’t playing, Lacey is a successful serial entrepreneur. She is a powerhouse of a woman. No man who’s ever gone head to head with her in a business meeting would think of her as submissive. She controls vast amounts of money and her mind is always thinking. She could go off in 5 different directions, keeping all of the conversations sorted in her head. Dynamic and intense is how most people describe her.

Lacey needs down time. She needs time when she is not in control. She needs to simply feel. I provide that for her. She knows when we are playing that she belongs to me and will obey me. It takes the stress out of being in control of her life for a few precious hours or days when we have an opportunity to play.

It works only because we both trust and are willing to give more to the other person than we take. When we are playing, our relationship involves Lacey giving herself to me.

The first question that comes to mind of course is: "What do you mean, gives herself to you?"

The answer is just that. She gives herself to me, completely. I’m sure the men reading this wonder if that means that I can do ANYTHING to her.

The answer is yes. When she gives herself to me, I can do anything I want to her, and with her. We have some hard limits that we've discussed and I would never cross those. Within those limits she belongs to me. Tie her up? Yep. Spank her? Yep. Make love to her when and how I want? Yep.

Except:

· I wouldn’t tie her up without seeing her need to be confined and feel secure.

· I wouldn’t spank her unless her brain is going a million miles an hour and this is what she needs to focus her on the here and now.

· I wouldn’t make love to her whenever I want, there has to be desire that sense and see.

When we play, as her Master, I make it my job to ensure she’s completely taken care of. I think of her and put her first in all things:

· When we sit at a restaurant, I make sure I’ve paid attention to what she has asked for or what she has eaten in the last couple of days. I will then order for her, and she doesn’t need to think about it.

· Shoe shopping? We wander through the shoe department and discuss few things she likes; then she sits. I take care of the rest. I talk to the sales clerk. I get her the shoes. She tries them on. I gauge the shoes and her reaction. Then it’s my pick.

· Does she have a headache? I will rub her back down and brush her hair as that helps.

· Does she need to buy something for herself, but won’t because she thinks there is a higher need somewhere else in the house?

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