Man Hands! Jerry Seinfeld's 10 Best Breakup Excuses

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Seinfeld
It's not me, it actually is you.

Is there anything worse than a breakup excuse that's a flat out lie?

Well, if Seinfeld's Jerry dumps you, it just might be the truth that hurts the most.

To this day, there really hasn't been anyone on TV pickier about women than Jerry Seinfeld. Over the course of nine seasons, he dated, alluded to dating, dumped or got dumped by 73 ladies in total.

Here, we're taking a look back at his 10 best (er, worst?) reasons for breaking up! Let's hope these never happen IRL.

1. This one trait can be the ultimate deal-breaker. It rhymes with Schman Bands. #totallyjustifiable

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2. Dirty mouth? Clean it up with a toothbrush you didn't know fell into the toilet because your boyfriend didn't tell you. But then when said boyfriend wouldn't kiss you, you figured it out and got your revenge by taking his (spoiler alert? It's been 17 years people!) toilet brush for a dip in the porcelain throne.

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3. Real or fake? Even Elaine needed to get to the bottom of boob-gate!

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4. Schindler's List makeout session? Would your Jewish parents really approve of that?

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5. Giving a literal meaning to being two-faced! Shudder.

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6. You know the rules. No PDA in front of the Soup Nazi.

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7. No massage? No relationship! Jerry's masseuse girlfriend wouldn't take her work home with her, and that was a big ol' problem for Jerry boy.

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8. Hotness doesn't matter when you eat peas one at a time. You'll be back cruising the single highway before you know it!

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9. Ultimatums: Continue dating a woman or continue making the comical voice you've imagined her belly button would sound like? The choice is yours. Choose wisely. La La La.

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10. For (incorrectly) guessing the secret behind a woman's "tractor story." Remember, Jerry, honesty is the best policy!

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