How the heart knows what is true among the many voices of others
Everyone was batting for him. My friends really liked him. Brett had all their endorsements. No Surprise. He was smart, understanding, worldly, and had a warm positive presence. Physically he was my type with piercing blue eyes, naturally golden blond hair, Nordic features, and effortlessly athletic with tattoos. He sometimes looked like he just walked out of an Abercrombie & Fitch advertisement.
Brett was well traveled, spoke French, and those tattoos only added to his appeal. Did I like him? Yes. So what was the issue?
My matchmaker Anni Powers nailed it. Deep down in my heart, I just knew he wasn’t the one. Not even close.
Besides, Brett is moving to San Diego in February, and our relationship will be reduced to random text messages before they stop all together. I doubt Skype and email could salvage our friendship. There is no chance I’ll be driving to see him on weekends and holidays. We were not exactly dating.
What do you call a guy who is not your boyfriend but not just a friend? No physical boundaries ever crossed nor would they and it never bothered me.
Maybe I’m just setting up a safety barrier for my heart. I doubt it. I’d been wishing for a Michael Fassbender/Bradley Cooper doppelganger for a while. Now he was here but I’ve lived long enough to know that love is a 100% yes.
The one has no equal. A real love has a kind of potency. No matter how strong the wall is around you heart, “the one” makes it vanish. The one also makes it hard to put that wall back up no matter how hard you try. I know this because a real love had a magic to him.
Unlike Brett, he didn’t look or have the resume I was keen on. He was shorter, darker, a typical jock, and a Southern California surfer who only spoke English. Brett could discuss world history and had a European way about him. This other man was All-American and more at home in a sports bar.
Yet, the real love captured my heart and soul like nothing else in a while. I knew that feeling once before in my early 20’s. My first real adult love who was physically alot like Brett. So I’d been seeking a similar type soul. Yet real love came in the form so opposite to what I thought it should be.
Love just has no formula. Your soul does the recognizing. Either you awaken in their presence or not. Words don’t describe the moment well but I’ll try.
The real love was a 100% yes. Other men paled in comparison to him afterwards. My eyes didn’t see anyone else. The most handsome man in the world could be in front of me and I’d still only have eyes for him. Real love, even just the thought of him, would open my heart beyond its usual comfort zone. He had a soul warming effect. There was a resonance feeling. He was new and familiar at the same time.
Usually a man I was that attracted to made me nervous and self-conscious. Real love was someone I felt really comfortable around, like I could tell him everything, without editing. Real love made it possible to be attracted and relaxed. I didn’t want to perform for real love. Just desired to be more of the real me.
Ironically, everyone was against him. Something that never surfaced when I knew him. Only months later, when I talked about it, did the feedback come. Friends said he could have been kinder, clearer, and just left me alone given where I was in my life.
They’re all right. About Brett and real love. The truth is, no matter how many people were batting for or against a person, I still knew where each man stood with me.