Infidelity can't always be stopped, but you can recognize it before becoming another victim.
This is one of those abilities that I feel quite fortunate to have yet, disappointed by how I came to obtain. I'm referring to the skill of recognizing a cheater. Never once having done so myself, I have dated enough of them to be alert of the trouble headed my way so that I can avoid being duped again and save others from the same heartache to boot. While many people struggle with why their partners deceive them to begin with (that which I will touch on a bit later in the article), most daters and spouses have the red flags right in front of them all along and choose to overlook their presence. Deriving from my experiences as example, let me lay out the definitive 5 signs that you're other half is probably seeing and/or sleeping with someone else:
5) They keep quiet about their daily routine
Sounds obvious right? But looking back on any relationships you had where you were cheated on, can you remember the details of the talks you had leading to the breakup? No. Of course not, because there isn't usually much conversation happening between you by the time they've started screwing behind your back.
When it comes to men, sure, they already don't say too much (one of the biggest dividers of the sexes), but if he's being completely vague when you try and get any interaction going, he's trying to create an invisible barrier to distance from you emotionally.
Women are notorious for babbling on to anyone willing to listen (ha)! Once your lady is no longer boring you with what you feel at times is pointless chatter like she typically does, the reason could be is that she's found someone else who's made a point to give her the attention she's been looking for.
4) They begin to frequently cancel seeing you / have late nights out
I know, I know, how can I jump to conclusions with this stereotypical reason? Some spouses or partners CAN have careers or jobs that fall under this category. But let's make it clear that I'm referring to the ones with part time gigs, daytime work that has no possibility of running into overtime, and those who make it their business not to have employment at all.
When you first start seeing someone, the new and exciting rush of doing practically everything together is constant. Even after the honeymoon phase wanes off, healthy partnerships continue to thrive by ongoing regular date nights in and out of the home. Once your other half repeatedly makes excuses to separate from you in order to spend more time alone and encouraging you to do the same (via guilty conscience) or calling to let you know not to wait up because no one else at their place of employment is able to fill in (again, the umpteenth weekend in a row), let it be known that this is a very common result of attempting to make time for the OTHER man/woman in their life (and failing miserably, might I add).
3) An unhealthy, noticeable attachment to their phone and/or computer.
Let me tell you, not one guy from my past who was cheating on me could avoid this dead giveaway, and they all believe they can! While today's generation are pretty glued to their electronic leashes already, it is damn near impossible for a Sneak to prevent this from coming to the surface. I dated a guy who waited until I went to bed so he could log online to avoid raising my suspicions (ridiculous since I've been an insomniac for as long as I can remember, and I can wake from even the slightest sound).
Another guy from a prior relationship had his cell on what could only be described as a five finger lock-down. That jackass took his phone everywhere he went, especially when only having to use the bathroom! I can't recall a time where he NEVER didn't have it within close reach. He was adamant about keeping a lock code that I could never see him operate, and all activity accounted for occurred when the phone screen was turned away, never in my view.
I remember getting the feeling that something had to be amiss once I finally honed in on his mobile behavior, but like most, I chose to ignore it far longer than I should have.
2) Your steamy sex life together hits a grueling dry spell and yet, they're paying more attention than ever to improving their appearance
When two people meet and fall for each other, it drives them to partake in a lot of time between the sheets. All aglow from the positive attention and naked wrestling, one can't help but want to focus on how they look to their new partner. They want to slim down, shape up, and dress as attractively as possible to help keep the fire burning. Sure, down the road it can sizzle out a bit when it comes to the frequency of your playtime, but when things are still golden between you, the great sex will remain being really great (seriously)!
One thing a cheater has a pretty impossible time keeping up is continuing to shag you when their heart and body is being given to someone else. They turn into horrible lays, let me tell you! The sex is usually done in the time it takes to heat and ingest a hot pocket (a lot of us ladies have been there, right)?!. They may try a new move on you that they've never shown interest in doing before that they're used to using with someone else and happen to forget in the heat of the moment (oops). Often, excuses of a headache or just simply not being in the mood are heard coming out of their mouths more times than the hideous flailing tongue of Miley Cyrus. And still, they hit the gym as if the world is coming to its demise tomorrow. New clothes, shoes, cologne/perfume, hair cut and style...they're transforming right before your very eyes except, the joke is on you. Their self reinvention is due to the excitement of the new body they're shagging on the side.
And the 1) sign of a cheater...
Total withdraw of affection. No sex, limited sex...this is only a mere part of the infidelity monster. The grandest red flag of them all is when your significant other stops giving you anything in regards to showing love; pet/cute nicknames vanish when they verbally address you. Holding hands/walking together? They're too busy moving ahead or behind you in public to even bother with that simple gesture anymore. It can be as simple as no longer having meals together. Sitting away from each other in and outside of the home. All basic and commonplace simplicity a lot of people can take for granted and easily look over that suddenly vanish is the flashing billboard of romantic doom.
A person who is physically and emotionally attaching themselves to someone else can not be bothered with connecting to you anymore. They may feign a half ass attempt, but their demeanor is always cold. Their attitude morphs into irritations over things they once claimed to love about you. They start to accuse YOU of things to deter the radar being cast in their direction. Suddenly, you're 'the crazy one'. You're 'seeing things' that aren't there. And how dare you at all attempt to communicate your concerns and try to fix things! Can't you see they're trying to shit on your loving attempts to stay together when they're wanting you to be fed up and leave so they don't have to be the one to end it and come up the bad guy?!
To this day, I'm not sure why I endured the treatment that I did with losers in my past. Once, I even installed a spy program on my computer to record the activity a boyfriend was having so that my paranoia could finally be justified ($75 was a small price to pay for the return of my sanity). Men and women cheat for a multitude of reasons. It can be from boredom, curiosity, revenge....studies have even come to surface that genes are to blame for certain peoples inability to remain monogamous. This is one of those questions that will continually rack our brains and leave us wondering why such cruel deception continues to happen to good, faithful people.
One thing will always be certain though; cheaters always get found out (yes, ALWAYS. If not with you, it will happen with someone else). Be smart and pay attention your intuition. Once things start to feel out of sync and your gut can't shake the nagging feeling that something isn't right, chances are, they more than likely aren't. We can make a point to remain true, faithful, and thoroughly invested with our relationship. It's damn important that we do! If you're not getting what you need, then end things like an adult instead of trying to have your cake and fuck it too.
While in certain cases, being an ideal mate may not prevent a cheater from slipping through the cracks and wreaking havoc in your life, the pattern of a fraudulent coward remains steadfast in time, no matter what. Know what to look for and respect yourself enough to walk away when necessary. We've only got so much time for living, make sure you're spending it with the ones who will love you right!