"Tori Spelling claims she's so broke she couldn't afford a vasectomy for Dean. Do what I did for birth control, Tori: Leave the lights on." - Joan Rivers
"When I make love I do all 3 positions." - Chris D'Elia
"Excited for the new category "Best Sci-Fi or Porn film" #GoldenGlobes" - Seth Rogen
"On True Blood -- I've never told anybody this -- but I was so nervous and then I was so drunk that after I shot the scene I was going up to the crew members -- I had just met all these people the day before -- and I was going up to all of them like, 'You got a boner! You do! You've got one!' It was horrible." - Lizzy Caplan, Chelsea Lately Interview.
"The secret is if you stay late enough the lakers (sic) girls dancing gets sexier and they wear less clothes." - Mindy Kaling
"Also so happy for @taylorswift13 @jackantonoff who wrote my favorite song of the year. You will never guess which one's my lover." - Lena Dunham on Twitter