What Truly Helps You Move On From A Divorce?

By , ,

What Truly Helps You Move On From A Divorce?
Does it seem like you'll never move on? All you need is a confidence booster.

Jacobson also advocates tapping into self esteem — she knows from personal experience! "One of the reasons that I was able to navigate the mucky waters of divorce clearly, with great fortitude and stamina was through discovering my toolbox for increasing my self-esteem, slowly, slowly, bit by bit. Though there were many tools from which I drew, the one that seemed to anchor both hope and courage for my budding self-esteem was self-love as expressed through kindness and compassion directed at yours truly."

Compassion is one way to foster a healthy self-esteem, but don't forget a big "don't" for cultivating it. Says Becherer: "Negative people lurking among your family, long-time friends, co-workers and, of course, the ex. Try to stay away when they are judging and critical. This just erodes the foundations you are building, sapping your strength when you most need it." On the other side of the coin, accept help from those who want to give it to you: "Even if you are usually the strong one that everyone shares their troubles with, this is a time to ask for help. Lean on their shoulders for a change."


Jacobson also offers this trick you can practice throughout the day: "One of the easiest ways to start is by simply drawing your awareness to your inner self-talk. Our tendency is to want to acknowledge the negative thought, push it away, and then implant a new positive thought. However, experts in self-compassion teach that without truly acknowledging the thoughts, they will continue to resurface, creating that continued barrage of fight-or-flight madness. Many practitioners of self-compassion instruction liken the negative thoughts to a persistent child tugging at you. If you simply tell the child to go away, he won't budge. If you recognize the child and tell him that he is seen and heard, he will be pacified and compliant. Anchor in your new practice of self-talk awareness with a ritual or routine that allows you to consistently witness your thoughts."

No matter how low you are feeling, there is hope for moving on. Make tangible and concrete decisions to do so, says Becherer: "The fifth stage of grief recovery is acceptance. So many things — kid time, financial support, ex-spouse's family, holiday rituals, house and home — have changed forever. Stop struggling. Work (and it is definitely work) to let go of the way it used to be. Create new patterns." 

But all that work is worth it. As Richards puts it: "Now that I am being honest about who I am and what I need, rather than hiding certain parts in order to please others, I have found that my relationships are much simpler and my connections are much deeper. Yes, it requires facing the discomfort of confronting sensitive issues as they arise instead of avoiding them as I once did, but I have learned that they key to this is knowing how to have "safe conversations". My journey continues, but I have to admit that I have begun to fall in love with the real me.  She's far from perfect but, at least, she's found the courage show the world who she really is. And THAT is empowering."

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Janna Becherer

Marriage/Couples Counselor

Janna Becherer, LCPC

Brynwood Relationship Counseling

Location: Rockford, IL
Credentials: LCPC, Med
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Trust Issues

Margaret Jacobson

Divorce Coach

Margaret Jacobson, radio show host of The Mother Rising on Voice America's Empowerment station, understands the challenges of isolation and deep struggle in all stages of divorce (before, during and after). As a Divorce Wellness coach she helps those going through divorce or separation maintain their health and stay organized so that they can feel in control and find clarity and peace.  She specializes in working with clients dealing with difficult endings.

Laying a foundation  for understanding the landscape of divorce on the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual levels, Margaret speaks on The 9 Things You Can Depend on in Divorce so that you can flow through the process with greater ease.

Making clear choices in the midst of the temporary insanity of divorce can seem like you are swimming upstream but with Margaret's nurturing heart in her weekly group sessions with Clear Choice Divorce, you are expertly guided through 12 weeks of topics allowing you to feel connected with others along this journey and learn the skills it takes to create a strong vessel with great stamina. 

Begin both learning what you can depend on and feeling connected. Sign up today. 

Honor yourself. Celebrate yourstrength. Empower your transformation. 


Location: Tiburon, CA
Credentials: BA, MA
Specialties: Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Spiritual, Wellness
Advanced Member

Tracy B Richards


Tracy B Richards is a Spiritual Psychotherapist, Writer, Mentor & Speaker. She is the founder of The Self-Love Society and is one of only a few hundred people in the world who are sanctioned to provide The Daring Way™ workshops, based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. Visit Tracy's website, follow her on Twitter and be sure you subscribe to Tracy’s Process Of Illumination blog and witness her personal journey of transformation. On Facebook, learn more about Self-Love by becoming a community member of The Self-Love Society.

Location: Toronto, ON, Canada
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Janna Becherer, Margaret Jacobson, Tracy B Richards:

Are You Miserable To Come Home To?


The One Question You Must Ask Do you have things that stay with you for a long time? Like a tune that keeps running through your head, or a whiff of cinnamon that reminds you of Sunday morning sweet rolls? Perhaps it's words of wisdom from someone you trust. I have a key question that stays with me from a graduate course on Family Systems I took with Dr. ... Read more

Newly Single? Why You Need To Go Mingle

By ,

If you are recently divorced, broken up with or widowed, you probably have a lot of questions about dating, and often times these questions can bring on fear and worry that will paralyze us and make us want to crawl on the couch and watch Netflix. Though we deeply long for companionship, we victimize ourselves by throwing a pity party and saying things like, ... Read more

Feeling Vulnerable? Take Control Of Bad Emotions The Right Way


There are so many things I could write about tonight. There's the New Moon in Sagittarius tomorrow morning, the fact that I sold my house this week (Yippee!), the interesting experience I had at the gym this morning that made me think about self-esteem, my "a-ha" moment regarding the wound connected to my biological father that I never really talk ... Read more
Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular