No one likes to nag or be nagged. This is a universal truth. It's not fun for anyone. In our quest to help you stay nag-free this week, we turned to reddit to see what real people had to say about nagging and how best to avoid it. Check out the awesome advice we culled from this post.
The OP has a significant problem maintaining order in the home she shares with her boyfriend. Though they have had several discussions about his messiness, the problem persisted. We've pulled our favorite pieces of advice to help you stay nag free!
“Try and frame the conversation around objective things (why is this room so cluttered vs why are you such a slob) and understand that there probably are reasons that go beyond "because I would rather play video games than clean it". Use I phrases--I am frustrated,this upsets me, etc., over "this is bad" or "this is not normal." Use concrete examples--"there are dirty dishes in the sink" vs "this room is a mess." People have different standards of cleanliness and explaining in detail what you mean might be helpful, and it forms a nice bulleted list of tasks (dirty dishes -> run the dishwasher once a day). Seek genuine understanding of why he acts as he does vs trying to make it into a moral issue ("normal", "ugh", "enabling" are some danger phrases you've used so far). This turns him into the problem instead of the counter or the floor. You can change the condition of the counter or the floor, by hiring someone to clean it, by changing the setup so he uses it less, by asking him to clean it once a week, but you're probably not going to change him. He's been this way for 36 years, you've been resenting him for, at most, 2 years. Not gonna win that one." - rthrowaway23
"My bf is a borderline hoarder. We've been living together a couple years. I still have to nag sometimes, but something that works for us, is on say Saturday I will write a list of what he needs to do and hand it to him. That way he knows what I would like him to do and he can divide and conquer in his own way. It doesn't always work 100% but it's better than verbally reminding him 20x that he has to do the dishes. We also divided up the chores. I hate dishes, so he does those. He doesn't like cleaning the bathroom, so I do that. And sometimes if I am cleaning-like sweeping the floors, I will make piles and say "hey would you mind grabbing the dust pan and helping me for 5 min?" You have to accept he will never have the same desire as you to have a clean house, but you can work together. And if you can afford it, there is always the last resort of hiring a maid to come in a couple times a month." – lucy42
Divide and conquer.
"My boyfriend is the exact same way - his cleaning behavior is pretty much cannot be reformed. What I do now is organize a set time every week where we both clean at the same time - he does the bathroom, I vacuum the apartment, etc. That way, it ends up being more cooperative and it doesn't feel as though one person is doing EVERYTHING." – musicalrapture
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