How your marriage can be rebuilt despite the emotional devastation of an affair by your spouse.
Let's face it, infidelity causes deep personal pain, but your spouse's affair doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage. In fact, I hope the information I share with you here will help you save your marriage and help you rebuild the trust you need to fully recover from this painful experience.
While there are a lot issues that create problems in marriage nothing is more devastating than infidelity. Money problems, communication issues and arguments will put stress on a relationship, but an affair shakes the foundation of any marriage. Just because your spouse has cheated on you, doesn't mean your marriage is over and that divorce is inevitable. With the proper help and guidance, it is possible to rebuild your marriage. In fact, many couples can survive infidelity and enjoy a long, happy marriage.
There are many reasons why a person falls into an adulterous relationship. It is not always just about sex. For many people who enter into an affair it is because personal problems they are trying to deal with, such as low self-esteem, alcoholism or sexual addiction. Obviously, on-going marital problems between you and your mate that were building for years can lead to your mate's infidelity.
Most people who have an affair are sexually attracted to someone other than their marriage partner. They are usually stimulated by this other person not only sexually, but intellectually and emotionally so they act on this pleasurable feeling. This adulterous partner ends up keeping this affair going for quite some time even if it means lying to their spouse and others. They are usually looking for someone who empathizes with them in their marital struggles. And then this person ends up meeting their needs in a lot of other areas.
When you found out about the affair you probably felt a lot of emotions and feelings, including shock, anger, betrayal, depression and many others. It is important to keep your emotions in check at this point if you want to try to save your marriage. One of the best things you can do is give each other space. You need time to grasp what has happened. You need to take a "timeout" and get your emotions under control. You also need to seek support from a trusted friend or relative. You may need to seek professional guidance from a counselor or pastor. These professionals can help you deal with feelings and emotions.
In order to save your marriage and survive this act of infidelity, you need to take time processing everything. You also need to be slow in digging into the intimate details of the affair. Try dealing with the details a little at a time and don't try to process everything all at once. You must know that recovery from an affair is a slow, difficult process. Even so, it is possible for your marriage to survive after an affair.
Consider these steps to promote healing:
Before you decide to continue or end your marriage, take plenty of time to heal from this painful experience. Then you will want to try to understand what was behind the affair. You must learn the lessons that might prevent future problems.
Obviously, your mate must end the adulterous relationship and end all interaction or communication with the other person. An important step in the rebuilding process is that both of you are totally honest with one another. Once the personal healing is well on its way, then you need to discuss what happened with your spouse. No matter how difficult it is talking or hearing about their affair you me totally open and honest with one another.
Assuming you both have a goal of reconciliation in your marriage, you both also must accept that healing the marriage will take time, energy and commitment by both of you. You will need to begin to restore trust in each other and in your relationship. Professional counseling can help you confirm your commitment to the marriage and to prevent secrecy from continuing to erode your relationship. Infidelity is emotionally devastating. Forgiveness isn't likely to come quickly or easily, but it can become easier over time. Keep in mind that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or discounting what happened.
If you and your mate are committed to rebuilding your marriage and are willing to take the steps above you can enjoy the reward of a renewed relationship that will grow in depth, honesty and intimacy.