Let's face it, infidelity causes deep personal pain, but your spouse's affair doesn't have to mean the end of your marriage. In fact, I hope the information I share with you here will help you save your marriage and help you rebuild the trust you need to fully recover from this painful experience.
While there are a lot issues that create problems in marriage nothing is more devastating than infidelity. Money problems, communication issues and arguments will put stress on a relationship, but an affair shakes the foundation of any marriage. Just because your spouse has cheated on you, doesn't mean your marriage is over and that divorce is inevitable. With the proper help and guidance, it is possible to rebuild your marriage. In fact, many couples can survive infidelity and enjoy a long, happy marriage.
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There are many reasons why a person falls into an adulterous relationship. It is not always just about sex. For many people who enter into an affair it is because personal problems they are trying to deal with, such as low self-esteem, alcoholism or sexual addiction. Obviously, on-going marital problems between you and your mate that were building for years can lead to your mate's infidelity.
Most people who have an affair are sexually attracted to someone other than their marriage partner. They are usually stimulated by this other person not only sexually, but intellectually and emotionally so they act on this pleasurable feeling. This adulterous partner ends up keeping this affair going for quite some time even if it means lying to their spouse and others. They are usually looking for someone who empathizes with them in their marital struggles. And then this person ends up meeting their needs in a lot of other areas.
When you found out about the affair you probably felt a lot of emotions and feelings, including shock, anger, betrayal, depression and many others. It is important to keep your emotions in check at this point if you want to try to save your marriage. One of the best things you can do is give each other space. You need time to grasp what has happened. You need to take a "timeout" and get your emotions under control. You also need to seek support from a trusted friend or relative. You may need to seek professional guidance from a counselor or pastor. These professionals can help you deal with feelings and emotions.
In order to save your marriage and survive this act of infidelity, you need to take time processing everything. You also need to be slow in digging into the intimate details of the affair. Try dealing with the details a little at a time and don't try to process everything all at once. You must know that recovery from an affair is a slow, difficult process. Even so, it is possible for your marriage to survive after an affair.
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Consider these steps to promote healing:
Before you decide to continue or end your marriage, take plenty of time to heal from this painful experience. Then you will want to try to understand what was behind the affair. You must learn the lessons that might prevent future problems.