You're not going to die alone!
At the age of six, I fell madly in love with a boy in my class who I knew preferred brunettes. Although we shared a mutual love for stealing kisses under the slide, I should've known the relationship was doomed from the start. I suffered my first heartbreak on a sunny day during snack time, but I learned a very valuable lesson during my emotional recovery — sometimes love just ain't enough.
This lesson still translates in my adult relationships. Whether I'm the one doing the breaking-up, or the one left crying in a Chipotle wondering what I'm doing with my life, the end of relationships still leave me feeling lost and confused. So much so, I'm willing to grasp to any fringe of hope connected to the past. But I'm here to tell ya, it's best to let go and move on, sistah! It's time to break ourselves of these five lies mentally repeated after breakups.
5. "We can fix it." This is the most deceiving lie because it can lead to over-analyzing the broken pieces. Was it just a chip? Completely shattered? Or perhaps a clean break that just needs a little TLC? But the truth is, it's still broken. If it wasn't broken to begin with, you wouldn't have to convince yourself it's fixable.
4. "Things weren't as bad as I thought they were." He likes chocolate, you prefer vanilla. You love listening to music and he can't name his favorite song. Your love language is through physical touch, his is through acts of service. Yes, opposites can attract, but that doesn't mean they provide the foundation for a lasting relationship. Know your deal-breakers. Twenty years from now, do you really want to still be arguing over milkshake flavors while he yells at you to turn the music off because the lyrics are too sad?
3. "All relationships are work." They say in jobs, if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. Now translate this to your relationship. Anything forced is "work" because things we find enjoyable are "fun." Nothing in life should ever be forced. Magic happens when things manifest themselves organically. This doesn't mean effort won't be required to keep love alive, but if you have to imagine someone else every time you go for a bedroom romp, it might be time update your Match.com profile.
2. "I should've waited until after the holidays." There's always another birthday, anniversary or Kwanza right around the corner. Before you know it, it's already next year's Hanukkah and you want nothing more than to set your relationship on fire than the effing menorah. Rip the Band-Aid. The quicker you allow fresh air into the wound, the quicker it can heal.
1. "I'm going to end up alone." Staying with the wrong person because you're afraid you'll end up single with sixteen cats in a knitting-club displays nothing but fear and lack of self-love. We are never alone or lonely if we love the one we're with. Start loving yourself and you'll realize all the quirks your ex despised about you are exactly what make you perfect. So find a more realistic fear, like Rebecca Black's next single.
Remember, if you don't have the confidence to send back burnt chicken, you may never get to taste the free dessert the chef offers as a consolation prize.
More juicy content from YourTango:
- How To (Finally) Get Over Your Breakup And Move On
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- Breakups & Divorce: Expert Advice & Survival Tips