The first steps to recover from infidelity are never easy. In fact they may be the most painful steps you will take as an individual or as a couple as you try to rebuild the trust you had in your partner.
As the victim of your spouse's affair, there is a lot to deal with right after you find out about their indiscretion. Assuming this affair was meaningless to your spouse and they are asking for your forgiveness, you have to do a self-assessment first. You have to answer a number of personal questions yourself before you can truly deal with your mate and decide what your next steps are as a couple. Your self-assessment needs to include answering these questions:
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- Do you want your marriage to survive?
- Can you forgive your spouse for their thoughtless act?
- Can you rebuild your trust in your spouse?
- What do you need from your spouse to aid your healing?
- How can you turn this adversity into a positive for your marriage?
For our purposes in this article, we are going to assume you have decided that you want the marriage to survive and both of you are willing to take the necessary steps to heal your marriage. Many couples are not able to overcome this heartbreaking moment in their relationship so you have to approach this healing phase with patience and an open heart and mind.
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In order to recover from infidelity, the injured partner has to be able to get past the emotional trauma of your mate's unfaithfulness. It is not a matter of forgiving and forgetting because that is nearly impossible to do, but it also is not about clinging to destructive thoughts either. In other words, you can't continue to bring this dreadful act of selfishness up every time you get angry at your spouse.
You have to accept their acts of forgiveness as genuine and sincere then focus on the reasons why you still want to be with them. What we are really saying here is that you must be solutions-oriented during this time if you really want to save your marriage. Again, it will not be easy to do, but we have seen many couples survive this horrible period in their marriage then thrive as the years went on in their relationship. You can do it too if you focus on building the lost trust, sharing your feelings openly and honestly and looking for meaningful ways to reconnect with your partner.