For example, if a little child has the impression that the only way to be loved by one or both of their parents is to do everything perfectly, they might run a lot of anxiety about “messing up”, even as an adult. On an even deeper level, they might only feel calm and good about themselves when they are single. So herein lies the secret objection to being in a relationship. In that case the brain has brilliantly kept them single as a way to protect them. Mind you, the person is not usually aware of these deeper issues. We discover them and shift them in our sessions.
How does NLP break the internal resistance to bonding?
As mentioned before, the internal unconscious objections to bonding can be re-wired, so to speak, by working with the earlier imprints of the person's initial bonding or attachmen style to their parents. In other words, we can re-imprint negative experiences that the brain is storing and holding onto with positive ones.
What steps do you use in your NLP practice that rewires the attachment style of a person towards creating a healthy partnerships?
Nuero Re-patterning (Belief Shifting NLP) is one of the only modalities that can locate the earlier imprints in a person’s life. Imprints are situations and reference experiences that the brain will store and hold onto as a way to survive and make sense of the world. There are specific ways that a skilled NLP Practitioner can find these earlier imprints which are most likely out of consciousness for the client.
Once we find these earlier times in the person's life that taught them how or how not to bond in a healthy way, there are many techniques to “un-wire” the damage and re-train the brain. By doing this the person feels safe to bond in a healthy interdependent way with another person.
Earlier attachment styles are influenced by their experiences being cared for by their parents. Depending on a child’s home life they will either learn that bonding is safe or or not. For instance, the parent(s) might either not be there physically or emotionally or they might be abusive. In that case, the child’s best bet is to NOT bond and only rely on themselves. Later in their adult life they will have a hard time letting someone fully into their heart. Alternatively, they might be too dependent on the parent. This could happen for a variety of reasons. When children are not allowed to explore the world independently or have their own learning and opinions or are too overprotected they might end up being too dependent in their adult relationships. These are just a few of the possible scenarios that could happen.
Before I developed the F.L.I.R.T. program for women, I put myself through my own course. Before I met my husband I had had every heartbreak possible when it came to men and relationships. So dating and relationship mastery became a hobby for me. Not only did I study for years about the dynamics between men and women, I also figured out some of the things in my life that were blocking love. I also did belief shifting of my own.