NLP Practitioner Cinthia Dennis reframes beliefs to align you with love in San Francisco
Cinthia Dennis is an NLP practitioner in San Francisco and teaches the DailyOM course “Become a Man Magnet”. She also teaches the F.L.I.R.T. Course for women in the Bay Area using NLP to align their beliefs with their love intentions. Her expertise has not only helped her happy clients find true love but also herself. In August 2013 Cinthia married the love of her life and credits the profound transformation that NLP provided her with creating the relationship of her dreams. Since beliefs are the foundation behind how we design the life we have, Cinthia explains in the following interview how to change beliefs that prevent us from bringing our desires to life.
How does NLP play a role in your dating and flirting workshops?
The F.L.I.R.T. Course for women is a 7 week course for mastering dating and relationships. F.L.I.R.T. is an acronym that stands for Fun, Loving, Interesting , Time. In the course we teach a small lesson on flirting but mainly the course is geared towards working on your inner self esteem, confidence and core beliefs about yourself. This is where the Nuero Re-patterning (NLP) comes in. We spend a considerable amount of time in the course uncovering and shifting the hidden beliefs that the participants have about men, love, relationships and themselves.
When you don’t really believe in yourself or feel unlovable or good enough, it makes it very difficult to choose partners that are good for you or have healthy, happy relationships. This is why the majority of the women that come to me for help have had the experience of picking men that either treat them badly or leave them feeling unloved in some way. Often they can’t find anyone and stay single even though they desperately want to find a partner or their deeper beliefs wont let them be attracted to “the good guys”.
Based on your expertise, what are the main causes of being single?
There could be a number of things going on for people when they are single and don’t want to be. The main one is that their experience of being single is matching up to a deeper belief that they have based in childhood. It could be a belief that “I am not good enough” or “I am alone in the world” or “I don’t deserve love”. Those beliefs will always mirror our experiences. Or they might subconsciously have an objection to being in a relationship. Most often, the person is not aware that they have an objection; they are mostly aware of how much pain they are in about not getting what they want.
For instance, when working with my clients, we might discover a subconscious objection that if they are in a relationship they might lose their freedom. Or even deeper, that they might be destroyed. Our earlier imprints about love and relationship come from the first people that we were in relationship with, our parens. These earlier imprints stick throughout our life and get replayed over and over again and are most prevalent in our intimate relationships.
For example, if a little child has the impression that the only way to be loved by one or both of their parents is to do everything perfectly, they might run a lot of anxiety about “messing up”, even as an adult. On an even deeper level, they might only feel calm and good about themselves when they are single. So herein lies the secret objection to being in a relationship. In that case the brain has brilliantly kept them single as a way to protect them. Mind you, the person is not usually aware of these deeper issues. We discover them and shift them in our sessions.
How does NLP break the internal resistance to bonding?
As mentioned before, the internal unconscious objections to bonding can be re-wired, so to speak, by working with the earlier imprints of the person's initial bonding or attachmen style to their parents. In other words, we can re-imprint negative experiences that the brain is storing and holding onto with positive ones.
What steps do you use in your NLP practice that rewires the attachment style of a person towards creating a healthy partnerships?
Nuero Re-patterning (Belief Shifting NLP) is one of the only modalities that can locate the earlier imprints in a person’s life. Imprints are situations and reference experiences that the brain will store and hold onto as a way to survive and make sense of the world. There are specific ways that a skilled NLP Practitioner can find these earlier imprints which are most likely out of consciousness for the client.
Once we find these earlier times in the person's life that taught them how or how not to bond in a healthy way, there are many techniques to “un-wire” the damage and re-train the brain. By doing this the person feels safe to bond in a healthy interdependent way with another person.
Earlier attachment styles are influenced by their experiences being cared for by their parents. Depending on a child’s home life they will either learn that bonding is safe or or not. For instance, the parent(s) might either not be there physically or emotionally or they might be abusive. In that case, the child’s best bet is to NOT bond and only rely on themselves. Later in their adult life they will have a hard time letting someone fully into their heart. Alternatively, they might be too dependent on the parent. This could happen for a variety of reasons. When children are not allowed to explore the world independently or have their own learning and opinions or are too overprotected they might end up being too dependent in their adult relationships. These are just a few of the possible scenarios that could happen.
You transformed your own love life and married the love of your life, could you share how NLP paved the way to meeting him?
Before I developed the F.L.I.R.T. program for women, I put myself through my own course. Before I met my husband I had had every heartbreak possible when it came to men and relationships. So dating and relationship mastery became a hobby for me. Not only did I study for years about the dynamics between men and women, I also figured out some of the things in my life that were blocking love. I also did belief shifting of my own.
Just a few weeks before I met my husband, I had told a girlfriend “My life is so amazing, that any man I meet better make it better or at least keep it amazing”. At that point I had come to a place of really loving myself and my life and it helped me choose a healthy partner to share that experience WITH me instead of being the one to make my life amazing. Most women who are single and don’t want to be, go at it in the opposite way. They are looking for a partner so they can be happy and have their lives feel complete. When that is the case, most likely they will not pick a good partner for themselves.
What key lessons do you share in your workshops?
The F.L.I.R.T. Course is based on the three pillars of relationship success.
1. Preparing yourself for love.
- In this part we do a lot of mental, emotional, and physical clean up so that we are in a more positive space.
2. Beliefs and Confidence.
-This is the part where we really address those inner beliefs that might be keeping us stuck and miserable in painful relationships or continually single.
3. Dating skills 101.
-In this section we learn simple dating skills. We learn how men think and what they are looking for in a relationship. We also practice being vulnerable and doing the “feminine dance” of dating and relationships.
Do you have any success stories from those who have taken your workshop?
The nice thing about taking the F.L.I.R.T. course is that all new students and alumni get to stay connected and share wisdom, set backs and resources with each other. They become members for a lifetime.
So I quite often hear of their successes, whether it is not chasing men anymore and letting the man take some initiative. Or that they have finally met someone that is of quality and some have even gotten married within a year of taking the course.
Most of all, what I see in all of the women, is a stronger sense of valuing themselves. This is the biggest thing that changes alot of their behavior. The majority of them can no longer allow unhealthy men into their lives and they start to be able to receive attention and love fully. The women who go through this course will change the way they “do” relationships forever.
* The next “in person” F.L.I.R.T. Course will be held in Feb. 2014.
An audio version for those out of the San Francisco Bay Area is also available.
Please visit www.myinspiring-love.com for more details.