Learn how to avoid getting in to any relationship crisis and let her fully aware of your commitment.
relationship advice for menIf you are reading this post, chances are you feel there are some problems in your relationship or you are looking for some tips to improve your relationship. Maybe you are a lady killer, but when you are in a serious relationship things are little bit different with just playing around. I’m sharing five tips I personally think are important relationship advices for men to consider. These advices are not my advice, and they are not new at all. I just think it is worth to share them as they worked for me to improve my marriage.
1. She is not another ‘guy’ friend
One of the mistakes men can easily make is to treat her like a ‘guy’ friend. I made this mistake early in my relationship. I was a guy could hang out with my friends for the whole afternoon without much talking. I can just ignore what my buddy is wearing today and how his hairstyle is different and we still like to hang out. That’s men. But this wouldn’t work with women. Women are different, they want to be noticed and they will feel like being ignored if you treat them like a ‘guy’ friend.
I like to take my wife to go for a walk after dinner, but I used to take her out to “just walk”. She felt bored and didn’t like it at all. I thought she just didn’t like to walk, but I was wrong. I noticed it a few times when we were discussing some matters she was fine and enjoying the walk.
2. You love each other in a different way
The way men and women express love are different. My wife used to take care of everything of me when I was going for a business trip. She would always ask me if I remember to bring this and that. This was how she expressing her loves. She thought this was how I should feel loved as she did so. However, I felt like I was a child.
I grew up from a traditional family where I never heard my dad and mom say “I love you” to each other, I seldom express my love through words and physically and that’s something she is expecting. Women consider these are very important indications. Give her a kiss or hug when she comes home, or even a shoulder rub would make her feel much better.
3. Observe how different you communicate with each other
I learned this lesson from a hard way. Men and women are very different when comes to communication. I do agree with what John Gray said in ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’, when it comes to communication, men are solution oriented and women are process oriented.
When women talk to you, they don’t really care what the result the conversation will end up with, they like to enjoy the process of the conversation. However, as men, we are different. We like to get results or solutions.
It happened to me many times that my wife came home to tell me what a bad day she had and what her colleagues did to make her upset…etc. I immediately started to think of solutions that she can avoid these problems.
I wanted to stop her complaining and tell her what she can do next time so she could cheer up. But the reality was, as I was thinking of solutions, I did not really pay attention to what she said which made she felt worse, and occasionally it led to a few quarrels between us.
How could something or someone else’s problem create a problem between us? Is it really worth for us to fight for someone else’s fault? I decided to just shut down my mouth and listen to her without any pre-judgment when she is upset. For a lot of times, she felt much better when I just sat down with her and listen to her. Women just need someone to talk to, they will figure out what to do themselves when they feel better. As men, our job is to make them feel better when they are down.
4. Be the leader of your relationship
By natural traits, women like men who are proactively leading the relationship. If you observe those successful men who are attractive to women, you will find most of them have the traits as a leader. It doesn’t mean you need to act as a king to order her do this or that. You need to come up with ideas and should be clear about where your relationship is heading to. Do you have a plan what you are going to be like next year if you are together? Do you have any plan what you want to do with her next weekend? Or if you are going out for dinner, do you have any choices?
I use to think it’s just being generals to let ladies to choose the place they like. I was totally wrong. Saying ‘anything is fine’ when she asks what to eat is just turning a woman off. She won’t appreciate, because she feels like she is leading this relationship. You should offer her options and let her choose, she will appreciate that you are prepared and she feels like you are leading her.
5. One Valentine a year is not enough
Damm! The rose and chocolate are going to be ridiculously expensive again. Don’t be scared by this title. I know how you feel when valentine is coming. What I want to say is women need to feel loved often. Don’t wait until valentine to buy her a big gift, buy her twelve small gifts. You can easily do something to make her feel loved. You don’t have to always buy her gifts.
This is a rare relationship advice for men to find in most relationship books, I read it from a psychological book but it applies to relationships. According to the book, women like to consider the amount of love rather than the size of love. Make some small but meaningful gifts for her often, you won’t need to spend much money on it or you don’t even need to spend money at all. Think creatively, I once made a bracelet with a set of old guitar strings for my wife, she just love it. Be creative, it’s not necessary to spend money for romance. I'm not telling you to be cheap, I'm telling you it's not working if you think just burn money on her can make her fall in love with you.
These five tips helped our relationship to grow stronger and having fewer issues as other couples around us. There are of course more areas you need to work on in your relationship. I will share it in other posts later.
Anthony Watson writes about how to improve communication in relationship at YourTango. He also wrote a report called "Better Relationship Communication", about how you can communicate with your partner without getting into conflicts. You can get his report free at http://committedlove.com.