Along with the Law of Attraction (I do believe our attitude about ourselves and others attracts like attitudes) I know we see what we expect to see. In an experiment I use with my client’s I ask them to spend the next week noticing blue cars. When we talk again they always comment that they didn’t realize there were so many blue cars on the road. I explain they saw so many because this is where they were putting their attention. It’s the same with dating. If you think there are available single people in your age group you will see quite a few of them. And if you think there aren’t many then you’ll tend to notice the ones in your age group who aren’t available and not notice the ones who are.
What led you to design this coaching process and how did you put the contents together into your own method?
I was my first client. After dating men who had so many of the traits I didn’t want I wondered if this might be happening because I was attracting it. Initially kind of a yucky realization. Then I figured if I truly was the reason then I could do something about it. So I perfected this process through my dating experiences and when I started only dating men who had traits I liked my friends started asking me to teach them how to do the same thing. And my business was born when I met my husband in 2005 and we were married in 2007.
Do you find that certain modalities like hypnosis or EMDR are especially helpful for a person who is changing long-standing beliefs that have been in their minds for a long time?
Yes, I believe using a variety of modalities can be very helpful. Frequently the “symptom” behind the dating patterns that aren’t working for us are evident in our most recent relationships. And the “reason” began when we were quite young. And hypnosis and EMDR very helpful.
Are there particular tactics that you use when a person is incredibly resistant to busting through their internal barriers to love despite the benefits to doing so?
There are a number of tactics that help. Women who have children often are concerned their children will (or have already) experience the same challenges in their relationships that my client’s have. So, it’s logical that their children learned how to have relationships that don’t work from them. So, if my client’s will learn how to have healthy and happy relationships it stands to reason their children will learn this from them too. It’s turned out to be a very successful bribe for this type of resistance.
People have had bad experiences with other love coaches. Sometimes its just a bad fit or the coaching has run its course. Other times the client and coach bear responsibility. How do you advise clients to be out of their own way when engaging in a love coaching process? What advice would you give to coaches to avoid harming a client through poor choice of words that lead to blaming the customer?