Men, listen up! Today is a big day. You will find out how to deal with your worst enemy: girls.
Delete from your mind all knew about sex, forget all the pathetic pick-up lines and get ready to unveil the mysteries of women's sexuality.
Follow these verses and after only five days, you will be any woman's dream boy.
Why are women so complicated?
This is every man's question, after his partner gets angry for no reason. The truth is that there will always be one or various reasons. Women's emotions are often more powerful than their reason, and their high expectations from men automatically set them up for disappointment. These are the glorious women, both simple and complicated.
If men would define sex as "an intense state of physical pleasure", women's definition for the same word would be "the highest level of emotional connection, love and physical intimacy".
Nothing is more hilarious than seeing a man slapped by a woman, just for asking her directly "hey, wanna have sex?". Women crave sex as much as men, but if they do not hear the magic words, you might not get any.
Here is how to speak the same sex language as women.
Verse 1 - The holy compliments
The first thing you have to know about women is that they dress to impress! There is no better way of grabbing a man's attention than through clothes (of course, except for being naked). After hours of stress, trying on tens of outfits, styling the hair and doing a pretty makeup, the least they can expect from you is a compliment.
What? You do not know how to compliment a girl? Oh, boy, you are in big trouble! Compliments are the key to any woman's heart. Given the fact that they crave attention, as much as they crave affection, the first thing you have to do to win her over, is a nice remark on her eyes, hair or anything else you might like about her. Women are really turned on by what they hear.
As paradoxical as it seems, although they work hard to be pretty, they get offended if you compliment their physical beauty too much. Make sure you also say something about their personality, mentality or "the good heart".
Verse 2 - Do not lie! Unless you lie to a woman
'Honey, I love you for who you are; for you personality, your heart, your smile. Your body is just a plus' (What personality? Look at those buttocks!)
'Of course I would still be attracted to you, even if you gained 20 pounds' (I would rather dump you, than ride a whale!)
Girls, do not worry! Not all the boys think this way. Now, the question is why men lie to women? Well, simply because women cannot stand the bare naked truth. Telling lies is the perfect way of getting anything they want from a woman.
The latest studies revealed that men actually lie more than women do, and feel less guilty about it.
Verse 3 - Act like a fearful Rottweiler, instead of a shivering Chihuahua!
Women do not want you to act like an obedient pet, no matter how much they state the opposite. When she tells you something like "you are too good for me" or " I don't deserve you", it means you have only been her shivering Chihuahua! Women like bad dogs! There is something weird about most women, which makes them more attracted to men who do whatever they want, who reject them.
Be a naughty man and do not let her manipulate you! If you give her too much attention, she might not consider you a challenge anymore.
Verse 4 - Never act like you only want to get into her pants!
Do you want to hear the truth? Do you really, really want to hear the truth? Some women enjoy watching porn even more than men do! Some women crave sex even more than their partners do. Others masturbate more times a day then their lover! But no woman will ever tolerate a man who acts like he only wants to get into her pants.
If you want to get her into your bed, be confident and make her dizzy with an incredible speech about how irresistible she is. Get her in the mood for sex, without letting her know your true intentions. Approach her from behind and kiss her back, her lips, her neck and any other sensitive spot. Then, let her make the next step. Do not forget about the hot heavy breathing, which is one of the best sexual stimulants.
Verse 5 - The sanctity of size
Size does not matter for women, as long as your size does not matter for you! If you are frustrated about your size and always bring this up, you will just make her unsatisfied with your tool.
No matter what small pickle or tiny mushroom you hide in your pants, treat it like a tasty giant lollipop that every woman would like to taste. After all, she won't measure it with a ruler to see exactly how much you measure, will she?