You've got to smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it's breaking. Follow the song.
The first task I tackled was Tamara Green's homework. I like to call this love mentoring session with her to be a lesson in taking a cue from the Beach Boys on cultivating good vibrations. Kind of like quantum psychics. We are a magnet for people, places, and situations that match our frequency. The book Power vs. Force is a whole volume on the matter of vibrations and personal energy. With that in mind, Tamara offered this guidance:
It's all about feeling good. I'll go over more of this on the next group call, but it's really about that. Feeling gratitude and making peace with where you are at now. I know you don't have what you want now, but you must be in the feeling of having it to eventually have it. It's like painting on a canvas. You don't start with a finished painting, but you have a clear picture of what you want in your head.
So, you keep painting, having complete faith that what you had in your head is going to appear on that canvas. You don't give up on the painting because it's not coming out the way don't want. No. You make adjustments and changes and keep at it. Don't give up.
You do the same with your dreams and they will appear - but never how you thought they'd show up. Never. So, throw away your locked-in ideas that it has to be an older man, a European man, etc. and have faith that the Universe is energetically orchestrating it. And, when you are in the space of allowance, he will actualize into your life and you will be surprised that he is better than you had dreamed. Space of allowance = limitless possibilities.
What was provocative about what she said was that it had me ponder what was I vibrating in the first place that drew him and the heartbreak plague into my life? Well, in 2012 I was vibrating around the belief that there was no way the adult version of my teenage celebrity crush could ever like me back. What resonated with me was how impossible it is for a man like to even consider me since I wasn't Lauren Conrad or a typical O.C. chick. No wonder what was my best match was a man who would steal my heart from me but keep his from becoming mine. Perfect match vibrationally speaking. Tamara then went on to say:
You must allow yourself to receive - and begin noticing where the Universe is supporting you already. This can be very subtle but as you do this your "door" opens wider to allowing life to flow through your reality. This energy is very important to your Spirit for you.
Fear is blocking you from receiving. To get out of fear, tell yourself all the things that you are doing to learn to receive, to be at peace with where you are, to allow in love (ex: working with healers, personal growth sessions/groups, books, videos, etc).
Keep reminding yourself all that you are doing now. This puts you in your vibration of having vs not having. The feeling of "having" raises your energy vibration which IS in alignment with your Love Intention.
Also, I want you to really get this. You are not broken. You do not need fixing. What you need is relief. Not Healing, but relief. It's not about what you do that's important. What's important is how you feel while you're doing it. Feeling good = higher vibration.
After taking in all of Tamara's mentoring on raising my vibration to a state that resonated with matching me to true love, I knew it was major vision board time. Love in 90 Days happens when vision and intention match. So with Photoshop I went wild with creating images to get me to that feel good state.
Heather Strang had told me in many BodyTalk sessions that I had a soul purpose of partnerships. She could see it but I could not. Vision board it was. I grabbed my best selfies and images of my favorite actors and created faux couple pictures of them and I. Eventually it came down to blending my image with either Michael Fassbender or Colin Farrell. The jury is out on which fake couple looks better: Michael and Me or Colin and I. Still deciding.
The point of the homework was for me to be able to see myself in a partnership. So having an external picture helped. What emerged was the contrast of emotions that the two couple versions of myself triggered in me. When I looked at Michael and me it felt exciting as if I were with an international man of mystery. Then when I glanced at Colin and I there was a burst of Philophobia (fear of falling in love) that erupted. Colin and the man who broke my heart could pass for identical twins. People told him that all the time.
Finally, I was able to label it correctly what exactly was going on. Terror at the thought of falling hard and fast again. One year of love that wasn't was bad enough. Never again. There was no way I was going to be singing One More Day With You beyond September 27, 2013. This A-HA made the final miracle possible, however, when I finally decided to bring the actual incident into a BodyTalk session with Shelly Poovey.