Only now can I see his halo even though he was a pure Devil to me. Using his mastery of human dynamics he tricked me into falling hard and fast the moment I first saw him. Just like Sonny conned Isabelle into falling for an impossible love dream. Either that or Cupid used a javelin instead of an arrow the day we met. Whatever instigated the spell it did the trick. Getting hurt often opens the door to discovering that you have a whole lot of karma to burn. According to the Ancients, when your karma is dense, it can take twelve months for the burning to finally stop because all the karmic cords are finally gone.
The antedote to karma is grace. The access to grace is prayer. In the case of karma burning one must pray for a miracle. So I turned to the one man who I always trusted for a miracle ... the Catholic St. Anthony of Padua. St. Anthony to the rescue it was. Novena after novena. Petition after petition. I literally begged him in my prays every day to bless me with selective amnesia.
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Dear St. Anthony, please grant me this request that I ask of you - erase him from me. St. Anthony please remove this this root cause of why this man's rejection is an eternal knife twisting in my heart when it makes no sense. Whether or not you believe in signs I still attest that St. Anthony finally granted my prayers. However, he made me suffer quite a bit more so I would feel so rotten to the core that I'd be compelled to get to the bottom of why I drew this hurtful situation to me.
- The first sign: Healing Strang, my first BodyTalk practitioner in Portland, told me that my soul had to go to Italy. Then she said that this whole lesson was about faith.Faith that it would all work out in perfect Divine timing. Italy was where St. Anthony's Shrine was located.
- The second sign was when Heather conected me to one of her BodyTalk colleagues in New York named Shelley Poovey. Heather was off to a retreat and a holiday so in the spirit of exceptional client service, let her people know whom else was available.
- The third sign presented itself when Tamara Green, one of Dr. Diana Kirschner's trained love mentors, told me that I was needing relief not fixing on this healing karma burning journey of mine.
- The fourth sign came in the form of Tantric Priestess Devi Ward who taught and supported me in burning karma through Tantra. This required Tibetan Buddhist techniques of color breathing, the Firebreath, Ocean meditation, and cultivating sexual energy for healing. No, there was no sex with anyone else required. Tantra is fundamentally about cutting attachments, calming the mind, and healing shame around trauma like heartbreak.
So, armed with all this Goddess wisdom, the last week of September 2013 was surrendering all I ever wanted by burning my love karma, washing away the debris of old love interests, and detoxing from the outdated version of me.