Facebook and other social media make it easy to connect with new friends and old flames... too easy?
By Tammeron Karaim — Written on Sep 15, 2013
I know what it's like when I want something really bad: I always find a way to make it happen. In the past, I was always looking for someone new to connect with when I was in a stressful relationship. I remember feeling so alone and lost when I wasn't able form that bond with my partner. I was unhappy in my relationship, and I really didn't have effective communication skills at the time. I felt I was going around in circles, and I definitely wasn't being heard! I was expressing a ton of anger, but not really sharing my emotions. In order to escape the stress in my personal relationship, I found more compassion and understanding from other men in my life. It might have worked for me, but I was on the brink of committing infidelity.
Nowadays, infidelity is even easier to commit with social media such as Facebook. I have received a few detailed sexual messages from complete strangers once I added them as friends. For many, it is a sexual fantasy to have a wild, passionate online affair with a stranger and more people are using the internet to find new lovers due to convenience and secrecy.
The biggest draw I have noticed is that people represent themselves online as how they want to be perceived, not necessarily as they are. Some people create this secret persona. This is the recipe for so many virtual affairs! Just imagine a "hot sex kitten" with a "superhero"; Both parties imagine the other is perfect in every way — and always ready and available for hot sex and endless passion!
Many men and women are finding online lovers whom they never actually meet. Virtual conversations about things you would never have the courage to talk about in person and fake photos are on the rise — at least in my personal experience.
I have also heard from many people that they reconnected with old flames on social media. These men and women often actually do meet up, curious to see if there is still a spark, or if they still consider their ex-lovers to be hot — perhaps even to find out how their lives unfolded, or to explore what they'd be like as a couple.
It has been interesting to observe how the Internet has created a method to allow people to connect, but at the same time, has also offered another huge avenue for infidelity. Where there is a will, there is definitely a much easier way with social media!
In my own experience on how to avoid infidelity, I have used one method: honesty. If a new person sends me a sexual message right after adding me as a friend, I delete him immediately. These messages are an indication, right off the bat, that they do not want to follow me for any other reason than to hook up and fulfill a sexual fantasy. I use Facebook specifically to give me a voice to reach more people; you may use it to connect with old friends.
Secondly, and most importantly, if I receive a message from a person who I may still have feelings for, I am honest enough with myself to say, "This is not a good idea." I don't add the person as a friend. I am human and I have weaknesses; I don't want to set myself up for temptation. I have learned from my own past experience that when I am feeling a bit lonely, I should reconnect with the one I'm with, take the time out to communicate with my partner, and tend to our intimate needs together.
If social media has caused you extra temptation or you have perhaps dabbled with infidelity online, then I can certainly offer support and help you rekindle the spark with your partner! My workshops and events are the perfect fun opportunity to help you communicate about your sexual desires. Feel free to take my Intimacy Survey on my website, www.tammeronsplace.com, to find out how I can serve you in the most effective way!
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