Lesson 3: Souvenirs Are For Disney World, Not The Bedroom:
You can't change a guy's obsessive-compulsive behavior, and honestly, unless you're starring in Hollywood's latest rom-com, really shouldn't try changing a guy period. However, when he becomes compulsively obsessed with you, then you've got yourself a problem.
Jen was in her junior year of college when a one-night-stand turned into something more. "One morning I'm waking up still buzzed from the night before and making fun of his 'dad jeans' and the next thing I know he's bringing me roses in the library," she said. Quickly smitten, she began spending most nights at his house, where she fit in perfectly with his roommates. "I loved going over there," she said, "and I think that has a little something to do with why I ignored so many warning signs that he was a little off." The red flags included his inability to compromise, and a constant guilt trip. "If we weren't doing what he wanted to do, he would make me feel so badly about it, even I was choosing school work over him," Jen said, who also admits that she was a little blinded by their awesome sex life. One night the two decided to add a little something extra to their bedroom repertoire. "I had read that if you put a pillow underneath your butt when a guy performs oral sex on you, it totally enhances the experience," Jen said. "Well … it does. And that whole 'female ejaculation myth?' Yeah…not a myth." Soon enough, Jen decided that the hot sex she was having wasn't worth everything else she had to put up with, and cut things off with her guy. "He kept texting me for weeks afterward, and sometimes I would answer out of pity, but made it clear that it was very much over," she said. However, one text message took things to a whole new level of creepy. "He texted me saying that he kept that pillow, and didn't plan on washing it! I was mortified! Needless to say, I never answered him again.
Lesson 4: Anything "Back-Door" Oriented Requires A Discussion ... And We Know It Wasn't An Accident:
Just … no.
After waiting a month, Amanda had finally decided to sleep with the guy she was seeing. "He had already come over and met my family, the works," she said. She had invited him to a wedding and made it clear that it was going to happen that night. "After the church ceremony, we had an hour to kill before the reception started," she said "and I had waited long enough." They headed up to her hotel room where she describes being "attacked by his mouth." "He was literally acting like a starved animal that just got served Thanksgiving dinner," she said. When she was finally able to escape his grip for some air, both of their clothes had already come off. "I chose to go on top because my rib cage and lungs could no longer handle this creature on top of me," she said. "After a mere three minutes of actual intercourse I felt a foreign object in a hole that has never had anything inserted in it before," she continued. "In horror, I realized that this kid had stuck his thumb up my butt — no warning, nothing." Deciding to end it there, Amanda hopped out of bed and began to get dressed. "To make matters worse, he explained that he saw it in a porno and thought that girls liked it," she said. "He also admitted that he had never 'finished' from having sex before. I'm still debating whether he was a virgin or not."