If you've dated in Miami you know how hard it can be to stand out in a sea of Louboutins and bandage dresses.
Miami is America's sexy hotspot filled with a blend of different cultures, different attitudes and a touch of glamour. Just like a few other cities in America — I'm looking at you Las Vegas and New York City — Miami is a party paradise. Men and women alike are encouraged to have fun, and meet new people while working hard and playing even harder. As a woman in Miami, looking for Mr. Right can be extremely frustrating. The sunny city certainly has some shady people.
Here are a few signs that you may be tired of dating in the magic city.
1. You've Never Had A Brunch Date
Cities like New York pride themselves on their big brunch bashes. In Miami, your relationship begins because he's a promoter and can get you into LIV with bottle service. You like that he has connections but your relationship involves a lot of late-night partying. A laid back Sunday brunch with your sweetie will never be possible because, let's face it, he got home an hour ago.
2. Your Date Lives With His Mom (Or Worse ... Grandma!)
You meet a nice guy. He insists on paying for your drinks and he has a pretty cute smile but he always wants to hang out at your house. What gives? Is he embarrassed to be seen around you? Does he have a live-in girlfriend that he failed to mention? Or a secret sex dungeon? Nope, he lives with his mother. No wonder he paid for all those drinks, he doesn't pay rent. That sex dungeon isn't looking so bad right about now.
3. Your Date Refuses To Tell You His Day Job
He drives a nice car and wears shoes shinier than your faux hardwood floors. You casually ask what he does for a living and he gets uncomfortable and changes the conversation. You instantly think he does porn, or is part of an international drug ring … and there's a chance you're right.
4. You've Dated This Guy
You met him at Miami fashion week, went on a couple of dates but notice that he drools over girls that are 5'10 or taller and look like extras in Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines music video. He starts ordering food for the both of you — salads. Time to dump the fame-starved modelizers and find a man who appreciates your curves. Really, where's Pitbull when you need him?
5. You've Dated A Bartender
He is extremely attractive, built and makes a damn good drink. Your chemistry is off the charts and he makes you laugh so hard that you accidentally snort. But his schedule prevents you from seeing each other, you work a 9-5 and he works a 9-5 AM. He sleeps through his day off and the only time you can see him is behind the bar. Your relationship ends after your third cosmo.
6. You Found A Great Guy Once, But He Lived In Kendall ... Or The Palmetto?!?
You decided to go to the movies at Sunset Place for a change when you literally bump into a cute guy on your way into the theater. You quickly apologize and offer to buy him popcorn. You guys chat and then exchange numbers. When he calls you the next day to set up a date he suggests bars and restaurants past Coconut Grove (there are places past Coconut Grove?) He's cute, but the thought of US1 traffic on a Friday night is enough to fake sick and hit up a bar in Wynwood.
7. All Your Date-Night Outfits Are Ruined
Miami is a warm paradise sometimes, other times it's a humid hellhole. You meet a guy and he decides to take you to a spot with outdoor seating. Between the mosquitos, the humidity, or the possibility of a random sunshower, you're guaranteed to go home in a way worse condition then when you stepped out.
8. You've Run Into Your Ex At Steve's Pizza
Your fun night out with the girls comes to a screeching halt when you run into not one but two exes at the after-hours pizza spot. I love Steve's Pizza as much as the next Miamian but nothing in the world is worth the awkwardness of running into an ex and or two in the wee hours of the morning. Sorry, delicious pizza.
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