The Problem with Online Dating and Love Coaching


The Problem with Online Dating and Love Coaching
It's not the process or the people but a matter of logistics

Based on my own knowledge about how some matchmakers really work, I am a firm believer that The Real Matchmaker approach should be industry standard. It boggles my mind that some matchmakers are actually trying to sell $5000 dating coaching packages in disguise before ever introducing you to a match! This was what I encountered when I looked into more high profile matchmakers. Another matchmaker in San Francisco wanted me to go through a series of dating coaching/therapy with her before she accepted me into her client database to meet a match. These experiences are exactly why I advocate that coaches partner with a matchmaker and not try to do both. Successful results require focus.

If your beliefs are out of alignment with love, then a program like "Engaged In A Year" by Debi Berndt is excellent. If your interpersonal skills need help then find a good networking and conversationalist workshop. Social skills and emotional intelligence are critical to fostering good connections throughout life. Other ways to be effective are to know what kind of person is truly compatible for you. A good match is not just looks but a personality assessment of who you are and what best works for someone with your combination of personality traits and temperament. This is where professional therapy can be very useful, such as the Imago work for Dr. Harville Hendrix. If meeting people is challenging because of your schedule or you just don't know where to start to find a new social network, then check out Matthew Hussey's Get the Guy program. His work is all about maximizing your odds and NOT through online dating.


Charlie the Matchmaker in New York is right when he tells his clients to get out there effectively. Two weeks ago I went to a conference that my friends were at and made a new friend. Nothing romantic happened but now I am helping him with an Asian-American language teaching project for immigrant children and adults who want to reconnect to their ancestral heritage. He also gave me a lift to my meeting in Newport Beach one Friday because my car broke down. My new friend happened to live in the neighborhood where my meeting was held and it was on his way to work.  Goes to show that if you want to meet quality people, get out of the house, go where such individuals congregate, and strike up a good conversation. If you have no agenda things will flow. By the way, this new pal looks like Danny Pino from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. Had I been on surfing profiles that weekend I would have not met him.

My new friend also agreed with my perspective. He said that it is too easy to hide behind a laptop and not develop social skills. We were talking about how one person you met in person leads to 3-5 new friends. So just make friends and see where it goes. Also be totally OK when you get a no in life, not just dating, because like rejection ... the more you get you will eventually become immune to it. Now I am so glad that I got off last week. The best online dating is often through websites not dedicated to dating at all. One person I know met their spouse through a Meetup group for dog trainers in San Diego five years ago.

The simple equation to finding love is: meeting lots of people who are likely to be compatible as friends with you AND master rapid rapport techniques with a genuine intention to connect. It's really that simple.

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