For a while now I’ve come to the conclusion that being rejected by the man I call Captain America was the catalyst to my becoming an amateur scientist on the dynamics of dating and relationships. Between absorbing the expertise and wisdom of Matthew Hussey, Debi Berndt, Heather Strang, Tamara Green, and many others I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot, and see significant others very differently.
However, it was my matchmaker Anni Powers (the female Matthew Hussey) who got me thinking or re-evaluating just who did the rejecting in the past. There was a moment when I mentioned to a man that my co-worker looked like co-worker Michael Fassbender, so much so that I told him to become a model. Looking back that was not something that I should have said but back then Matthew Hussey’s coaching had not entered my consciousness.
The man replied to me that people told him he looked like Colin Farrell. My response was, oh yeah, you do. The vibe I gave was that I hadn’t noticed but I did. I sure did. Just thought that it was better to play cool since I was trembling on the inside. The truth is, I noticed, and I actually thought he was the better looking version of Colin. Colin looks like him except somewhat ravaged by years of smoking cigarettes and Jack Daniels.
Anni's take on the dialogue was that maybe, just maybe, Captain America was looking for a green light that (A) I found him as attractive as my co-worker, and (B) that I was attracted and possibly interested in him. Unfortunately my response was lukewarm. At the time it never occured to me that his comments were his way of trying to find out where he stood with me. I simply thought he was just following my line of thinking. If my matchmaker is right then even though I was a yes I came across like a no. Uh-oh.
So this had me thinking, wondering, pondering just how much I may have totally blown my chance at getting to know Captain America better. If Carrie Bradshaw had Mr. Big at least she had him for a while before landing him. I never got off the ground with Captain America. The key lesson for me in all of this was to get out of my own way.
Another thing that came to mind was that maybe there was a chance why I lived my life as much as possible in a squeaky clean fashion. To elaborate on that I’m going to first describe what Tamara Green said to me about acoustic connections versus electrical ones. Tamara asked me if what drew me to Captain America felt like an electrical attraction. My first interpretation of what she said was the image of Magneto in X-Men: First Class magnetizing metallic objects and bending them to his will.