Author Sarah Elizabeth Richards talks to real women about dating confidence and fertility choices.
Then comes the kicker: When do you break the ice, so to speak? This is important information to communicate. And of course, you want to know ASAP if your guy is uncomfortable with the idea of enlisting the help of science to make his offspring. Do you wait as long as Suzanne did? Or do you mention it during the first date and risk turning your fun flirtation into a biology lesson?
Megan, 44, a writer who travels between Venice, California and New York City, discloses her frozen-egg status directly in her OkCupid profile. When asked what kind of man she's looking for, she writes, "You want kids and are thrilled I've frozen my eggs as a conservative backup plan. They're bicoastal, too. They live in Boston and L.A. in a little boutique-egg hotel."
The strategy, she claims, provides a unique conversation starter. "Guys love it." she says. "They write me funny emails like 'I've got some good sperm,' or they compliment my attitude. They say I'm very smart and forward-thinking, or they want to know more about it. I'm never pigeonholed as some fertility-obsessed person, and it allows me to bring up the conversation in a positive way." As a bonus, it weeds out the men who might be turned off by the idea. "It’s great. I never have to know if guys might be uncomfortable because I never hear from them."
Megan believes how you talk about the topic often determines how men view it. "If it's not a big deal to you, it's not a big deal to them," she says. "You get to be an ambassador and turn around the awful boring cliché of women being baby-crazy. It's a way for women to take their power back."
Sarah Elizabeth Richards is the author of Motherhood, Rescheduled: The New Frontier of Egg Freezing and the Women Who Tried It.