The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. Such was the case of how my romantic life was going. After relying on online dating for over a year there were plenty of first and second dates but no spark. The rare time a spark happened it didn't lead to anything. Not that I am making online dating wrong but at the time I was digital dating on the free sites. There is something to be said about how serious a person is when they pay up.
To be honest I had given up, was in breakdown, and crying constantly after a disaster of an experience with Kathryn Alice and her Love Will Find You method. Kathryn's method was simply inferior and lacked common sense. The only thing that happened during her time and money wasting program was meeting: (1) a man who was nothing more than a security guard at Abercrombie & Fitch in Fairfied, CA who claimed he was the second coming of Steve McGarrett from Hawaii 5-0; (2) a southern boy from Florida who was good for kissing but nothing else; and (3) a man who fit my checklist of what I had been looking for since age 17. He only asked me out because he wanted to use me as a comparison shop item to confirm that his choice to go steady with someone else was the right one for him. In essence, Kathryn Alice and bachelor number three both broke my heart. Kathryn told me I was lazy and it was all my fault that love didn't find me. Bachelor number three sent me a mean text message right after the date that he had been seeing someone else all along and that he was going to pursue that since it was getting serious. Then he told me to have a nice life.
More from YourTango: Power Women: 4 Must-Know Dating Secrets Of Successful Ladies
More from YourTango: Win The Classic Timbuk2 Messenger Bag!
Heartbroken and deeply hurt from feeling punched in the face and stomach, I went offline, and slowly healed my wounds. Merry Wise coached the confidence and good sense back into me, Gabrielle Bernstein's books began to shift my thoughts to love again, and I decided to get philanthropic by organizing a yoga fundraiser. From October to January I didn't date again until I met Jordan in San Diego. Jordan looked like Drew Brees but his looks got old fast the more he talked. However, in those four months of having an SF-LA-SD romance he got me in the swing of things and was the precursor to my venturing into Tibetan Tantra Yoga with Devi Ward.
By April it was time to do something different. In my preparation to radically change my strategy and align my actions with my commitment I did a bit of an inner workout. My beliefs had to change so I invested in Debi Berndt's "Engaged In A Year" program to reprogram my subconscious ideas about relationships that were not working. Then I embarked on BodyTalk sessions with Heather Strang to entrain empowering beliefs within my psyche. For three months I immersed myself in the inner reset I needed to do to get ready for real healthy mutual love.