Bestselling author of Love in 90 Days on how to be your own best digital Cupid
More and more it seems that people are meeting and even marrying those they met online. A few years ago it wasn't so socially acceptable to say that your were matched by Match.com. How times have changed. However, technology can only be helpful to some extent, and as Dr. Diana Kirschner explains, you still have to know how to make it work for you.
Dr. Diana Kirschner was a frequent guest on The Today Show and starred in the PBS TV Special Finding Your Own True Love. She is the best-selling author of Love in 90 Days and—just out now on Kindle— Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. Dr. Diana has helped thousands all over the world use online dating in the most wonderful way—to find a passionate lasting Soulmate connection! Her free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice newsletter is available at www.lovein90days.com.
Now that it's summer wedding season, and the inevitable spike in online dating site sign-ups, what's the one thing that people serious about finding their "other half" online should do?
Don’t be lazy about your photo, especially if you are a woman! Make sure that your photo is warm and inviting, with a great smile and full eye contact with the camera. Ideally wear red—men find that more attractive. Add some casual second photos that show you doing what you love, in your element—skiing, hiking, dancing, doing yoga, etc. If you are a woman, make sure that you have a second photo that is a full-body shot that shows your figure to good advantage.
How does your new book help people successful navigate the digital dating sea?
It seems that there is a percentage of people who are dishonest online and very good at it. Actually many people lie online, but usually it is a matter of smaller lies. Research shows that it is in fact, a subculture of fibbing. Men overestimate their height and women say they weigh less than they really do, for example. There are some real liars, like people who are married and even scammers, but you can look out for those if you know what you are doing.
What can people do to avoid the pitfalls of online dating, like meeting dates who aren't really single or are looking for e-penpals?
- Avoid a person who is only willing to meet or talk at odd hours and never on a weekend.
- Avoid a person who talks on the phone in a whisper and has to go suddenly.
- Avoid a person who is older and says they were never married.
- Avoid a person who does not say they are looking for a relationship in their profile.
Does online dating make it easier or harder to find a match? Some articles speculate that the medium encourage cheating and dumping because of the ease of meeting someone new.
It is much easier-- if you know how to work it!!! You just need to know how to increase the numbers of people you meet and how to weed out the DUDs as rapidly at possible!! I have had women meet holistic healers, multi-millionaires, lawyers and other assorted wonderful guys online!!!! And so many have married their Soulmates! How much stock do you put in algorithms on sites like OKCupid or eHarmony that match based on questionnaires that supposedly determine compatibility? Very little. Independent research shows that those questionnaires don’t really work. So you need to fine specialized knowledge on how to find your Soulmate online—that’s why I wrote this book.
Why should people 30 or 35+ not fear that they have less chances of success online than those who are 10 years younger? It used to be women who worried about their age but now it's also men who are concerned that younger men have the advantage in the dating scene.
Because older folks are some of the fastest growing population segments on online dating. And there are great sites for older people, depending on your age. OKCupid is great for 30-35s. seniorpeoplemeet.com are great for over 55s Describe your method and what makes it work? Find Your Soulmate Online in 6 Simple Steps is based on research about what attracts men (wearing red, moderate makeup, smiling in your photo—to name a few things!) plus a great deal of success in helping women find their Soulmates online. It includes knowing which online sites will work best for a particular woman; search engine secrets that actually have your profile come up first when men search for women who are in your age group; writing profiles that attract alpha males or more attentive, spiritual or religious guys and a whole lot more. It is all based on the combined experience of thousands of hours of Love Mentoring® sessions given by my team of twenty dating coaches to women of all ages. It has been proven again and again to work for almost any woman no matter what her age or dress size.
How long should someone be online before they give up? Assuming they are giving it a full consistent effort.
They have to learn to do it the right way. This involves experimenting a bit with different photos, profiles and sites. Hard to say.
What are the major obstacles that people need to be aware of when using online as a tool to meet someone? Apart from the percentage of profiles from people who are misrepresenting themselves or have intent to commit fraud, are there other common pitfalls to be aware of? If so, what are the strategies that you suggest to steer clear of being derailed from one's goal?
The most important strategy is to be on what I call the Soulmate Dating program — this means that you casually date a few people at the same time, with no crossing of physical boundaries (A kiss is OK) with any of them. In this way you get to know who will stay the course (and not suddenly disappear) and who fits best with you. Also, working with a knowledgeable dating coach or Love Mentor® can be extremely helpful-so that you do not waste time or get burned out by approaching it the wrong way.
Tell me what your definition is of a soulmate?
This is hard to sum up. I have two Soulmate quizs in the ebook. One to look at if a new guy has potential and the other to see whether he is the One. But usually it starts with the feeling that you have finally come home to the One. A gut feeling.
And, how would you explain the reason why some people are not successful with other dating systems despite their full effort.
I believe you need to do inner work in terms of self-love and deservedness and envisioning what you want, plus outer work in terms of doing the practical steps online and in dating that will allow you to meet and “seal the deal” with the right person. All my Love Mentors® are trained in this way.
Here is a scenario, a person embarks on a program like Kathryn Alice's Love Will Find You program. They invest the time (18 months) and energy on her programs. They follow the intructions and meditated every day to her calling in the soulmate audio, dated, met people, worked on changing beliefs that were in the way of their goal, and took dance classes to improve confidence in their appearance, but still haven't met the person. Kathryn Alice responds to the lack of results as the person being lazy for substituting external work instead of doing the inner work that was required to address an inner resistance to love. This comment was dis-empowering but clearly the person was missing a step. Other programs also have people who are empty handed after working their system for a length of time. So, what is the missing link that will give these people their result - a soulmate?
Each person is very different! That is why my Love Mentors work one-on-one!