Ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to my puss, I am a clean freak. Granted there are probably some people out there who would clearly agree that I am the farthest from a clean-freak a human being can possibly be, but my nether regions do not fall into the same category as dusting and folding laundry. And since it’s getting close to the season of less clothing, I really want to stress the idea of tending to your body and ALL it’s parts.
You know how you’re standing in line at the local DQ and you notice the lady in front of you has gnarly, crusty, yellow toenails that look like she’s most definitely a nail biter… well, I take it one step further. That’s right. If you let your toes look like that in public, what must your lady parts look like? AGASP!
Now, “trimming” is a must. I don’t care how old you are (cause in my 70’s I’ll still be landscaping), you must, must, must trim your muff! No one wants to head south and get a hairball. And to all the men out there, TRIM THAT –ISH UP! Shave it down with some baby oil, use your clippers with an attachment… however you need to do it—TRIM! Men should already be doing this anyways. And I think most do, but there are some of you out there who think it’s metro. Trust me… it’s not metro, it is common courtesy! Guys, it makes your soldier look larger anyways! Ladies, men are visual and they like to look at your flower. So shave it and let them see it! It’s much easier to see what you’re doing down there if you can see it clearly. And if you really want to get kinky, do it to each other! Videotape yourselves and create your own amateur version of “Shaved, Licked & Fucked.”
Now the scent category is really important, too. Make sure it smells appealing to your partner. I say “appealing” because there are a few of us out there (who shall remain nameless) that really appreciate a manly scent. But we also appreciate cologne, dabbed ever so gently, in areas that generate a lot of heat. Ladies, gently mist some of a favored scent near your petals—the thighs are perfect. Maybe add some pheromone oils (try Jo Pheromone, $44.50) to the crook of your legs or under the girls. These are easy things anyone can do!
Everyday grooming is really important to creating sex appeal between you and your partner, too. Taking care of yourself, in my opinion, is one of the hottest things you can do for your relationship. Both men and women can use great soaps to get rid of everyday odors, but add in a great liquid soap and loofah sponge in your favorite scent. Ladies, keep a file or lava rock in the shower to scrub off those heels and toes, especially if you like to be kissed from head to toe. Brush your teeth anytime you can so your mouth is fresh. Always keeping your skin hydrated is really sexy, too! Most men love a woman who feels and smells like a woman—including soft skin. But beautiful skin is hot on men, as well as women.
Sex is just like anything else in life, folks. You’ll get out of it, what you put into it. So prepare! Make it fun! Keep yourself in sexytime shape so you’re not caught off guard by an impromptu advance from your lover. Don’t let complacency set in. Get excited and get to grooming those nether regions! And make sure you share your adventures with us…