Breaking the Cycle of Dead-End Relationships
We all have been through that time when we became skeptical and jaded about love because every relationship we have had only ended up in failure. After a romantic relationship that burst into flames, we feel helpless in not knowing how to start again and how to pick the pieces of ourselves. We feel incomplete that we end up grabbing the nearest person who shows us the slightest of affections and take him or her as a prospect partner. We feel so alone that the every time someone shows us kindness, we immediately think that he or she can help us heal our wounded hearts.
Why We Are a Target of Dead-End Relationships
Most of the time, in relationships, as well as after a relationship, we do not have a healthy sense of self. We feel emotionally incapable of loving our own selves that we seek that love from someone else. We feel that, like a jigsaw puzzle, there are pieces of us that have been misplaced, and that another person possesses those missing pieces that will eventually complete us. This way, we end up seeking someone who perfectly completes those fragments of ourselves that we have disowned and neglected thinking that those pieces are eventually lost to us after a failed relationship.
When you find that elusive someone whom you think completes you, you feel like your world will never be complete without him. Therefore, you always want to be near him or be with him even when you both know that a time apart will do your relationship some good. You are not the clingy type, but you still feel that you cannot live without him because he makes your world complete.
At the first stages of your relationship, you feel a strong connection with this man, and you can sense that he is the one you want to be with forever. However, after five months or two years, you realize that this man whom you think is the one, drives you nuts, and not in a sexy or good way. Your needs as a partner or a girlfriend are not met, let alone, recognized. You seek for adoration and affection, and although he gives you surprise gifts and dinners, you feel that the love he is giving is not enough.
You will start to think that perhaps the reason he is not giving you the love you deserve is that you are not giving him enough love as well. Hence, you start doing more for him and going beyond your comfort zone just to please your man. You bring him lunch to work, you underwent a boob job for him, and even wear skimpy lingerie just to be sexy in his eyes. Since you are doing more for your guy than what he actually deserves, you end up wooing him instead of him showing how he adores you. Unfortunately, he will get fed up by you smothering him, so the relationship goes up to smoke faster than you can imagine. You become another single woman looking for love, and the cycle of the search starts again.
How to Break Up that Horrible Cycle
The most crucial thing a person should keep in mind when it comes to searching or pursuing a romantic relationship is that it is impossible to give love to others if you do not have enough love for yourself. Most people think that seeking love will fill the void that they have within themselves, but the glaring truth is that we as humans, tend to build barriers within ourselves, and those barriers prevent us from giving love to ourselves.
Self-love is an important factor in breaking up that cycle of dead-end relationships because if you cannot love yourself, you cannot expect other people to do it for you. You feel empty and miserable because you constantly think that you are empty and miserable. You deprive yourself of the love that you deserve thinking that love always comes outside of yourself—that love only comes from other people. If you always think this way, you will never fill the void that you have in your heart. No matter how another person loves you, you will still feel alone and lonely.
According to the wise words of Wayne Dyer, “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.” If you are happy and you love yourself enough, you will not find someone to complete you. Instead, you will seek someone who can complement your being complete. To break up the cycle of failed relationships, you need to love yourself first and truly before you can love others.